Anonymity

The depth is there in each one of us… ‘realizing’ it in myriad ways — work, home, family, calling, etc. Whether words or deeds, this depth never fails to ‘touch’ another, filling a void in ourselves.

‘Anonymity’ from what? It’s like a child closing his eyes believing no one can see him. And though most of us grow up to be no different… still, how can there ever be complete anonymity — from ourselves… from the ‘light’ within?

All that ‘anger’ is aimed at whom? For can’t you see it is only ‘destroying’ you?

Hold on to that part of your soul that still belongs to you — not marred or destroyed by the ‘outside’. Don’t let your whole life revolve around ‘reacting’. Live your life the way you would have wanted it to be.

I know nothing of your life, am in no way equipped to ‘comment’… and it’s so much easier to give advice than to follow it. But one thing I do believe — and that is, no one can help us… but ourselves.

I know it’s damned easy to talk… and parables only jar when faced with ‘experience’ — and I am sorry… whoever has hurt you so crushingly. All I can say is: why play into their hands? Why give them the satisfaction of seeing you ‘shatter’?

However many fingers point at a person, your ‘reaction’ becomes a reflection in their hearts. None of those ‘fingers’ owe you anything — but you do. So take hold of your life… and to hell with what anyone else thinks. The ‘truth’ in a seven-year-old daughter’s eyes is all that matters… and the only thing worth fighting for.

Hope this message affects enough to make a difference.

Sunshine - warms and burns

Words aren't always able to express the subtle nuances of Experience.. Each finding our own substance as per our readiness for it.. striking a different note a different connotation at different moments.. like the same sunshine warms in winter and burns in summer.. 

Moment past

No one can — or should — run away from their past. But to live in it imprisons one in a time capsule. History translates into a series of learning experiences, contrite or otherwise. And its major role in our lives is to move on — with it, to learn from it — not to hold on, or stay.

For a moment that is past can only be redeemed in the present.

Static in between

Every time we speak on the phone and the reception is bad, we start sounding irritable, impatient, needing to shut the conversation fast because it gets impossible to understand anything.. The same thing happens in relationships.. When we cant 'connect' or 'understand' another, the same feelings of impatience and irritability arise.. But can both be easily sorted by retrying or removing the static in between.. 

Life imitates fiction or vice versa

When life imitates fiction, it feels spooky, but when fiction imitates life it feels wondrous! Such an uncanny co-incidence, with the ship wrecks, but having the exact same name is truly unsettling, underlining its value and import as pivotal to our story. Kudos to Yann Martel’s research, giving symbolic and layered meaning to the name of the Tiger - Richard Parker. Reading really opens us to the deeper layers of life

Travel in our minds

We are conditioned to prepare for the worst case scenarios, and in doing so we visit every such possibility, live through each one of them in our minds, trying to face and deal without anything taking us by surprise. But i wonder if we need to travel in our minds, then why the worst? Why not the best possibilities and probabilities? Such a waste of our time and energy, creating our own reality, through imagined hells. Love that the clarity in words always compels a response. 

Looking back

Just this morning listening to Eckhart Tolle speak about suffering and Christ, and the Cross being a torture symbol initially, symbolising suffering, later became a symbol of Divinity for every person in the Universe. 

I have always felt that each hurdle or setback, becomes a medal on hindsight, where first we rue the moment or situation, and later once we come out of it, we extol proudly our journey and accomplishment.

Dhritrarashtra

Dhritrashtra and his wife speak of the results of negative parenting destroying entire generations 

Speak of the results of negative relationship and the importance of two individuals in a marriage, instead of becoming mute, deaf or blind like the other

Kunti speaks of the need to take responsibility for our actions specially when we bring a life into this world 

All the elders of kuru clan speak of the necessity of having responsibility towards correcting and directing the future generations 

End of the world!

5 lives as a child, wow! I wanted to be a journalist, a lawyer, a detective, a pop singer, an archaeologist, and so much more. Each somewhere represents the need to seek and explore, to find answers, to create and to let go. 

Just the possibility to go back in time makes you re-think your life, and the foremost urge would be, telling your loved ones, who are no more with you, how much you love them. Spending more time with them, being more attentive to them, giving value to their presence, their importance in your life. But the possibility of going forward is still there, transforming that wistful regret, into a resolve, that ensures your becoming the reason for everyone’s smiles, investing all of yourself, every moment of your life. 

Let us stop blaming others and take responsibility for our own life. Every person and situation entering our life is there to direct our journey. Blame imprisons us, blocking our path ahead. Looking at the troublesome aspects of our life, we need to understand the lesson therein, and resolve the problems with clarity, humility, compassion and acceptance of the given reality. 

Today i loaded this app to get back to writing daily. There are so many things on our mind, all the time, wherever i look, the wheels of our minds are always turning. The problem at hand is nearly always dealt with, by past experiences colouring future scenarios, everything a figment of a fleeting thought, that our minds registered as real and concrete, an imaginary eventuality creating hells of a present that signifies the reality of life as one of an experienced turmoil and angst.

The strange thing is that we know it’s all in our mind, and yet we are not able come out of that anguish, no explanations, no amount of talking calms the rising panic of that one thought we can’t look away from. Despite realising  the normalcy of the previous moment, and the supposed ‘reality’ of the next one. 

Every problem can mean a blessing or a curse - blessing because we can see our journey so far was preparing us to keep things from being worse, attending to it as a passing guest. And curse because, we are unable to see beyond the problem and live with it as a permanent resident. 

Seemingly the end of the World, such moments too pass away, sometimes leaving scars in our memories, sometimes becoming medals of achievement, each unreal, each lived, each determining the road map of our life. 

Meditation

To the mantra of i am love, i am peace, i sat for 10 mins, at one with myself. The mind kept wandering, jumping, and i wonder why. Even though i was sitting in meditation, even though i was affirming silently, even though my breathing was deep and steady, my mind wandered till i ‘noticed’ and brought it back. Does this show our awareness levels are so weak, or we have conditioned ourselves to look for excitement, or we have made our minds to be worriers, or we are so disconnected from our lives, that we are never fully present to a single moment of it. 

Life in moments

Today i saw a little boy crapping on a pile of garbage, his shorts in his hands. Looking all  around, he picked some rag or piece of paper from the rubbish to wipe his butt, felt with his finger for any left over dirt, wiped it on his shirt, and earnestly wore his shorts once again. Only for a moment, aware of the traffic sounds and bustling crowds, he nonchalantly moved with sure, steady steps, for something to play in the same heap. 

Life laughed in that moment, at each and everyone’s absurd notion of controlling it in any way. A false belief that ensures our environment adapts around the self, when the self has no control even over itself, let alone anything else. 

Sympathetic quicksand

Sometimes pain shatters into fragments of anguished shards, looking around in earnest need, for healing, for answers, for a salve in assurance of time, fleeting or otherwise, passing away, leaving spaces in memory, to be filled with the desired strength of our choice. 

Sometimes we walk so deep into a moment, hand in hand with a random or specific thought, that either we, ourselves, or someone else has to yank us out of it somehow, lest the darkness overwhelms, envisioning an essential crumbling of imagined reality. 

We say we are troubled, but mostly we invite problems ourselves. Judging, criticising others for their behaviour, cutting a sorry figure for ourselves, we wear grief like a trophy, addicted to this false pedestal, of sympathetic quicksand. 

Adopting opinions

A friend came over to talk and she was so depressed about overhearing some family members who cursed, abused, accused and spoke really derogatorily about her behind her back. Could visibly see the crumbling caused within her, just hearing those words. The sense of betrayal, a feeling of being used, a questioning confusion for the reason for such venom, the sheer waste of all the minute and major interactions over the period of so many years. The dilemma of facing such people due to the import of the relations with a smile, or an outright confrontation with the parting of ways. So many emotions, so much hurt, and all for adopting words and thoughts and accusations of a messed up mind. A Belief and opinion of someone we don’t even like can matter so much, enough for us to fall apart. 

Heart and mind

A conflict between our hearts and minds has been there from time immemorial. Over the ages the argument still remains unresolved amidst constant debates both within and without. Maybe the answer lies in the fact that we are taught to keep an open mind and always follow our heart. Maybe this is the reason children are such quick learners or maybe a closed heart gives birth to the phrase ‘narrow mind’ for who can remain narrow minded with an open heart. 

Random mail

Hi stupid.. feels a little strange but absolutely stupendously marvellous writing to you like this.. smile.. so much of catching up to do.. but hey.. where do I start.. yeah yeah.. no time and all so gotta keep it short etc etc.. phew!! chill babes.. sometimes you just gotta sift through a whole lotta sand to find gold na.. :((.. and that's what OUR correspondence is gonna be in our lives.. always has been no.. 

so first your hubby.. hope he is doing really well.. gymming and all.. just tell him not to be so hard.. on the machines of course.. haha.. just kidding ya.. hope you are taking care of yourself alongwith him.. sounded kinda weary on the phone.. can't blame you.. remember how we used to talk through the night.. and sleep half the day.. bunking college.. office.. whatever.. totally whimsical.. and Your sis always scolding us.. groan.. about how tough life is gonna get for us.. and how we'd end up working our butts off.. theek hai baba.. you at work.. and home.. and me.. out here.. with that huge huge family.. and work.. and kids.. kids toh bas pata nahin if I can call them that anymore.. smile.. will ask them to send their pics to you.. 

what else can I tell you.. okay you write to me about your daily routine so I can picturize you there.. as for us.. get up real early in the morning as my son still has college.. he's in second year.. for kids it's mostly friends.. college.. work.. gym.. etc.. mealtimes are always together, like it used to be at your place.. have good friends around.. here too my neighbour has the same name as you.. can you imagine that.. know her now for the last maybe 22 years.. and hey I actually 'found' my school-time friend on facebook.. the one who used to live in Our city.... and guess where she has to end up living.. U.K!.. can you believe my luck.. all My close friends all share the same name and all have to live in U.K.. my neighbour too has all her relatives living there only.. spends every holiday there and they keep pushing her to shift.. wow.. 

now film gossip I can't really give you.. my daughter would have been great for this.. you ask in your next mail and I will make her reply.. smile.. send me some book or movie suggestions.. 

you write only when you feel up to it.. I know what you mean by hating to see another computer screen.. but hey.. do write.. because we are blessed enough to have some way of being a part of each other's life despite all this distance.. and we just can't let that go.. you take care of yourself.. 

lotsa love and hugs.. missing ya.. 

Hello bhabhi,

It was really great catching up after so long.. not that it felt like it's been so long.. a strange sense of 'familiarity' and 'comfort' was there:) something that happens with rare select people only.. our interaction fulfilling and what to say about Your son.. there is a very sweet engaging 'pull' in both Your kids.. that is so guileless.. and trusting.. and all I can say is.. hope you are able to reconcile the painful realizations that assail us on the path to ourselves.. and find peace within it's essential transience.. 

Hi babes.. it was a moving film freeze-framed just for me.. smile.. your description of your day.. so overwhelming to me personally.. melting distances.. into heartwarming conversations.. where you know you are heard..felt.. and understood.. 

and I don't want to be writer viter.. just to reach out to you.. aur vaise bhi.. letters parh le wahan tak to bahut hai.. novel parhne bola toh.. groan.. can't do that to you na.. smile.. Diwali was real hectic out here as usual.. sometimes I wonder about all these rules and customs.. if we are ruling them or they are ruling us.. smile.. remember our rebellion about everything.. and the song.. 'saare niyam torh do'.. when that minister (with his strict rulebook) and his family were putting up with us and we put this song so loud just to kinda 'drum it in'.. 

so anyways we have an early morning puja at office.. and then at home in the evening.. and again I wonder why we appoint pujaris for pujas to connect with 'God'.. the one and only Being who none can veil from.. and then we all laugh at that ad where 'saku bai' is going for aerobics on Madam's behalf.. smile.. crazy world hmm.. just the other day we were having our book club meet at Oxford.. and one lady who is into just about everything.. like manically she keeps pursuing one course after another.. and she says despite it all I feel I haven't achieved anything in life.. and I asked her.. what did Buddha achieve by just watching his own breath.. or any of the 'enlightened' masters.. achievement is so personal and unique to every Individual.. as per their life lesson and readiness for it.. and you should have seen her smile.. the book we were discussing was 'the last lecture'.. really good one.. upholding old-school values and beliefs.. with nuggets of advice for teachers.. parents.. and students all at the same time.. a dying man's effort to leave behind 'live' snippets for his children.. inputs that a Father would normally provide as a part of growing up.. 

so many times I wish you were here.. smile.. always could enjoy just about everything together.. chaahe phir woh tarot ho ya palmistry.. spirit calling ya astrology.. reading ya movies.. eating paan or paan paraag.. chilled drinks and naming ceremonies (lamp post, chashmish, muchharh, romeo etc etc etc).. smile.. kuchh bhi karte thhe.. the pleasure was in the company.. in it's purest guileless form.. 

love ya and take care.. 

Hey,

Am sorry about the late response as have not checked mail for more than a week i think. Good to hear from you after so long, even though its to share a tragic and unfortunate occurrence. People who say tragedy brings people closer, should add tragedy makes people write:) Sorry! sometimes humor gives us the much needed respite to face the myriad hues of a whimsical life. When someone close to us writes about a traumatic situation, we immediately become a part of it, and it no more remains simply a news item, to be shrugged off as an unfortunate incident. I could empathize with the fear, shock, awe and prayer in your words. Mother Nature in all her glory continues to humble our perceptions of invincibility.. For nothing stands in the way of her wrath.. I really hope and pray for the people in the midst of this devastation.. May God give them the strength to overcome their losses and rebuild a better future! Please take care.. And stay in touch.. 

Education

how are we educating our  children towards what destroying their childhood their natural awareness to things around.. making automatons out of the only fresh hope humanity has .. moulding them to set patterns we leave a legacy of robotic reaction increasing stress where life seems to have lost its meaning needing that fresh look like a lifeline we allow our children to see in this mad rush to capsule generations of knowledge in a few years.. 

Nature vs nurture

we all want children but are we ready to take their responsibility.. nurture  children -  our future.. their future.. Q ASk yourself.. why do we want kids.. 

because it is what everyone does

because they make us happy

because we need to love someone

because they carry on our name forward

because they are our future support.. 

What you wish for

you cannot harm another with your thoughts, you only harm you. It is so sad that all of us find it simpler to exclaim 'i love this or that' for inanimate objects or pets and various animals but for another human-being somehow related to you it feels awkward to say.

'be careful what you wish for, it just might come true'

when you know your 'destination' you will somehow always find the way, through a few wrong turns maybe, or asking for directions but you will always reach where you need to go, so 'talk'' yourself through to clarity  as to what exactly  you want or where you want to reach.

'gratitude' again relates to a 'happy' feeling.  it is only when we feel good about something, that we feel the need to express our gratitude. and showing it throughout the day translates into contentment and joy within an 'uplifting' that creates 'happy' ripples all around us and that definitely speaks of a 'great' day'

'ripple effect' - you frown and shout or snap at people around you and it reflects in their eyes and hearts and reactions to others and before you know it leaves a lot of people 'unhappy' all around. but if you smile and laugh and are pleasant you reflect a 'happy' feeling inside the people around you and their resultant reactions change accordingly..

visualisation - clarity and conviction

giving 'charity begins at home'

'you need to go for the inner joy, the inner peace, the inner vision first, and then all of the other things appear' it is our own 'conditioning' 'limiting' that works against us. all we need to do is REALLY BELIEVE in ourselves.

we have put boundaries around ourselves, our beliefs , really believing we are incapable of doing a lot of things, if we can shed those 'lines' bit by bit the possibilities become limitless and opportunities equal to any and all. 

'once you have made up your mind you can put things back together again'

choice  - we all have one. given any  situation it's our choices that determine the consequences of our actions, that determine each individuality and hence determine the future outcome of our lives..

we can choose to be happy or sad, pessimistic optimistic - whatever .. every feeling is a package of our  belief-system.. our minds are extremely powerful hence we are able to 'move mountains' so to speak, under hypnosis. then why can't we do it to ourselves. teach ourselves by controlling our thoughts and thought processes CONSCIOUSLY till it reaches an unconscious or natural level and becomes a way  of life.

(ironically) you only need identification to differentiate between twins

what is taliban saying.. is it defeating it's own message?

ambition - what it does and what it costs.. we need it so desperately sacrifice so much of value in ourselves and in our lives that when we fail there is no one left inside.. 

we all need that 'respite' that 'escape bubble' - the 'feel-good' factor. some do it with a movie, friends, music, a 'book' - for a mild mood-swing. while some extremes need drugs,  medicines, alcohol etc.. but we all need this from time to time in order to 'return' to face an uncomfortable moment or situation.. so everything eventually returns to our mind and it's resilience and how we DO find rough and simple methods to somehow regulate our thoughts enough to face the 'realities' of our life.

our 'thoughts' and 'feelings' do create a ripple-effect, to the extent that when we feel good and right about our life our minds are clear and happy enough to make the right choices and move in the right directions or 'look towards the sun' - unflinchingly. but when we don't feel good or are unhappy our reactions and choices somehow move in sync and this results in 'our thougts determining or creating our future as we know it'

though our circumstances are pre-determined our choices are always in our hands, if only we can rise above tthe 'conditioning' of 'limiting' ourselves through pre-conceived  notions and allow ourselves the freedom to give individualistic and true meaning to the selfish 'I' .

none of us want to be unhappy, depressed sad or poor.. but when  we get into those situations, we need to be aware of it, and steer ourselves away from these situations or feelings. wherever you are in life, inside or out.. reflects where you have been 'mentally' in the recent past.

what you focus on, is what you bring into your life, be it good or bad

Present moment

nothing changes the fact of the 'shared' moments or their beauty or the 'security' the 'smiles' each random thought brings.. we are so conditioned to look 'ahead' to 'weigh' everything against 'losses' and 'time', the 'future' that we nearly always end up losing out on the happiest moments of our lives.. a future that none can predict.. time? who knows.. a given moment is what we can be sure of and we gotta live it unshadowed.. 

Four blind men

the four blind men checking out the elephant.. we do see only as much as we want to.. the bigger picture somehow always escaping this 'cylindrical' vision we have conditioned ourselves into.. thus, the human race.. souls.. earth.. God.. all the scriptures.. beliefs.. values.. everything 'one'.. similar reflections.. only each sees differently..