Anonymity

The depth is there in each one of us… ‘realizing’ it in myriad ways — work, home, family, calling, etc. Whether words or deeds, this depth never fails to ‘touch’ another, filling a void in ourselves.

‘Anonymity’ from what? It’s like a child closing his eyes believing no one can see him. And though most of us grow up to be no different… still, how can there ever be complete anonymity — from ourselves… from the ‘light’ within?

All that ‘anger’ is aimed at whom? For can’t you see it is only ‘destroying’ you?

Hold on to that part of your soul that still belongs to you — not marred or destroyed by the ‘outside’. Don’t let your whole life revolve around ‘reacting’. Live your life the way you would have wanted it to be.

I know nothing of your life, am in no way equipped to ‘comment’… and it’s so much easier to give advice than to follow it. But one thing I do believe — and that is, no one can help us… but ourselves.

I know it’s damned easy to talk… and parables only jar when faced with ‘experience’ — and I am sorry… whoever has hurt you so crushingly. All I can say is: why play into their hands? Why give them the satisfaction of seeing you ‘shatter’?

However many fingers point at a person, your ‘reaction’ becomes a reflection in their hearts. None of those ‘fingers’ owe you anything — but you do. So take hold of your life… and to hell with what anyone else thinks. The ‘truth’ in a seven-year-old daughter’s eyes is all that matters… and the only thing worth fighting for.

Hope this message affects enough to make a difference.

Sunshine - warms and burns

Words aren't always able to express the subtle nuances of Experience.. Each finding our own substance as per our readiness for it.. striking a different note a different connotation at different moments.. like the same sunshine warms in winter and burns in summer.. 

Moment past

No one can — or should — run away from their past. But to live in it imprisons one in a time capsule. History translates into a series of learning experiences, contrite or otherwise. And its major role in our lives is to move on — with it, to learn from it — not to hold on, or stay.

For a moment that is past can only be redeemed in the present.

Static in between

Every time we speak on the phone and the reception is bad, we start sounding irritable, impatient, needing to shut the conversation fast because it gets impossible to understand anything.. The same thing happens in relationships.. When we cant 'connect' or 'understand' another, the same feelings of impatience and irritability arise.. But can both be easily sorted by retrying or removing the static in between.. 

Escapism

Sept15,2016

Today is anand chaudas, our non water fast.. Most of us fast, but without understanding why.. Is it the inherent faith.. Is it the ritual.. Is it a belief system.. A penance.. A sacrifice.. Or a cleansing.. Or purifying.. Of body and mind.. Maybe a bit of everything making it a means of giving up the negativity within.. Escapism also seems to be inherent in most of us.. From things.. Situations.. Circumstances.. People.. Life itself.. But how do you escape from things that are in your own mind.. You stop running.. You face the issues in your mind.. Listen.. Understand.. And help your mind let go of the troubled thoughts.. Gifting it hope.. Trust.. Faith and confidence instead.. Lately i have felt really distanced from myself.. Like a straw buffeted around by everything around.. Seeing mom suffer like that.. The helplessness.. that traumatic time with family.. Have all come together as a protest.. A disquiet.. Infinite questions.. That need to be answered not by running.. But by stopping to face them.. I miss her breakingly.. Its like my very essence has been shaken.. She has been the rock in my life.. A loving lap where you know nothing in the world can harm you.. Where you just cant go wrong.. Bringing out only pure beauty.. And strength.. More and more i realize we need to coach our minds.. Our education system definitely has to incorporate this as a part of the curriculum right from childhood.. How to deal with your own mind..

6:54 AM

Unravelling

Sept23,2016

This unraveling has to stop.. And no one else can do it except me.. I see and hear a stranger.. I feel like one too.. denying portions of myself.. listless.. Soulless.. Aimless.. grieving.. Where and what has shifted inside.. What am i not able to understand.. If i protest my life.. Then why am i making it worse.. The only person that needs changing is myself.. I am meant to change situations, not let situations change me.. Be happy, as a natural state of mind.. What is the worst that can happen, that wasn't meant to be.. Each time we fall sick we readily take a pill, an injection, a surgical procedure.. Because we know they are meant towards a cure.. Why cant we accept the difficulties of life in the same way.. I love my kids and i need to give them the assured security and trust of control.. A faith that everything will be ok.. More and more the strangeness creeps in.. A shadow that makes my words fade away bit by bit.. And i want to speak.. To write.. The story in my soul.. Visibly sifting through a handful of letters.. Unaware of the lyrics melting into the silence of rhythmic poetry.. Unseen.. Unheard.. Unformed.. But there.. Waiting to be touched.. Waiting to be felt.. Waiting to be transformed once again.. 

6:36 AM

Life imitates fiction or vice versa

When life imitates fiction, it feels spooky, but when fiction imitates life it feels wondrous! Such an uncanny co-incidence, with the ship wrecks, but having the exact same name is truly unsettling, underlining its value and import as pivotal to our story. Kudos to Yann Martel’s research, giving symbolic and layered meaning to the name of the Tiger - Richard Parker. Reading really opens us to the deeper layers of life

Travel in our minds

We are conditioned to prepare for the worst case scenarios, and in doing so we visit every such possibility, live through each one of them in our minds, trying to face and deal without anything taking us by surprise. But i wonder if we need to travel in our minds, then why the worst? Why not the best possibilities and probabilities? Such a waste of our time and energy, creating our own reality, through imagined hells. Love that the clarity in words always compels a response. 

Blushing rose gold sea

The sky dips its brush in sunshine and  paints a white canvas as Nature breaks out in colourful song.. 

The breeze danced in patterns of rhythmic footprints, all over the skin of the blushing rose gold sea.. pirouetting my heart with frissons of rapture, racing with the fiery hues of the setting sun

I saw the sea quivering as the breeze whispered sweet nothings in its ear

I saw the sea glistening bathed in the hues of the sun

Every ray of sunshine weaves a carpet of diamonds leaving spellbound stories in its wake

The sea is burning with passionate fire, at the whispers of kisses the rays sultrily ignite across its waves

Looking back

Just this morning listening to Eckhart Tolle speak about suffering and Christ, and the Cross being a torture symbol initially, symbolising suffering, later became a symbol of Divinity for every person in the Universe. 

I have always felt that each hurdle or setback, becomes a medal on hindsight, where first we rue the moment or situation, and later once we come out of it, we extol proudly our journey and accomplishment.

Moments of worry

Every moment of worry just tell yourself :

This is my imagined perception

This is depleting my energy

This is ruining my health

This is alienating me from any solution

This is not helping anyone at all

This thought is what i need to replace

With a positive energy that pervades, that believes, that emanates, that heals

Dhritrarashtra

Dhritrashtra and his wife speak of the results of negative parenting destroying entire generations 

Speak of the results of negative relationship and the importance of two individuals in a marriage, instead of becoming mute, deaf or blind like the other

Kunti speaks of the need to take responsibility for our actions specially when we bring a life into this world 

All the elders of kuru clan speak of the necessity of having responsibility towards correcting and directing the future generations 

Nature romancing

The wind in my hair spreads its love

The water through my fingers flows its love

The sun on my skin paints its love

The moon in my eyes flaunts its love

The Earth beneath my feet caresses its love

The Nature all around romances its love

End of the world!

5 lives as a child, wow! I wanted to be a journalist, a lawyer, a detective, a pop singer, an archaeologist, and so much more. Each somewhere represents the need to seek and explore, to find answers, to create and to let go. 

Just the possibility to go back in time makes you re-think your life, and the foremost urge would be, telling your loved ones, who are no more with you, how much you love them. Spending more time with them, being more attentive to them, giving value to their presence, their importance in your life. But the possibility of going forward is still there, transforming that wistful regret, into a resolve, that ensures your becoming the reason for everyone’s smiles, investing all of yourself, every moment of your life. 

Let us stop blaming others and take responsibility for our own life. Every person and situation entering our life is there to direct our journey. Blame imprisons us, blocking our path ahead. Looking at the troublesome aspects of our life, we need to understand the lesson therein, and resolve the problems with clarity, humility, compassion and acceptance of the given reality. 

Today i loaded this app to get back to writing daily. There are so many things on our mind, all the time, wherever i look, the wheels of our minds are always turning. The problem at hand is nearly always dealt with, by past experiences colouring future scenarios, everything a figment of a fleeting thought, that our minds registered as real and concrete, an imaginary eventuality creating hells of a present that signifies the reality of life as one of an experienced turmoil and angst.

The strange thing is that we know it’s all in our mind, and yet we are not able come out of that anguish, no explanations, no amount of talking calms the rising panic of that one thought we can’t look away from. Despite realising  the normalcy of the previous moment, and the supposed ‘reality’ of the next one. 

Every problem can mean a blessing or a curse - blessing because we can see our journey so far was preparing us to keep things from being worse, attending to it as a passing guest. And curse because, we are unable to see beyond the problem and live with it as a permanent resident. 

Seemingly the end of the World, such moments too pass away, sometimes leaving scars in our memories, sometimes becoming medals of achievement, each unreal, each lived, each determining the road map of our life. 

Just for me

And as i sat meditative and desperately seeking the untouched, unfelt, unknown

The sky painted in pink

The breeze whispered and nudged

The birds sang serenely

The flowers softened their expressions

The sea deepened secretively

And i wondered at this poetry

They were Writing.. just for me