Escapism

Sept15,2016

Today is anand chaudas, our non water fast.. Most of us fast, but without understanding why.. Is it the inherent faith.. Is it the ritual.. Is it a belief system.. A penance.. A sacrifice.. Or a cleansing.. Or purifying.. Of body and mind.. Maybe a bit of everything making it a means of giving up the negativity within.. Escapism also seems to be inherent in most of us.. From things.. Situations.. Circumstances.. People.. Life itself.. But how do you escape from things that are in your own mind.. You stop running.. You face the issues in your mind.. Listen.. Understand.. And help your mind let go of the troubled thoughts.. Gifting it hope.. Trust.. Faith and confidence instead.. Lately i have felt really distanced from myself.. Like a straw buffeted around by everything around.. Seeing mom suffer like that.. The helplessness.. that traumatic time with family.. Have all come together as a protest.. A disquiet.. Infinite questions.. That need to be answered not by running.. But by stopping to face them.. I miss her breakingly.. Its like my very essence has been shaken.. She has been the rock in my life.. A loving lap where you know nothing in the world can harm you.. Where you just cant go wrong.. Bringing out only pure beauty.. And strength.. More and more i realize we need to coach our minds.. Our education system definitely has to incorporate this as a part of the curriculum right from childhood.. How to deal with your own mind..

6:54 AM

Unravelling

Sept23,2016

This unraveling has to stop.. And no one else can do it except me.. I see and hear a stranger.. I feel like one too.. denying portions of myself.. listless.. Soulless.. Aimless.. grieving.. Where and what has shifted inside.. What am i not able to understand.. If i protest my life.. Then why am i making it worse.. The only person that needs changing is myself.. I am meant to change situations, not let situations change me.. Be happy, as a natural state of mind.. What is the worst that can happen, that wasn't meant to be.. Each time we fall sick we readily take a pill, an injection, a surgical procedure.. Because we know they are meant towards a cure.. Why cant we accept the difficulties of life in the same way.. I love my kids and i need to give them the assured security and trust of control.. A faith that everything will be ok.. More and more the strangeness creeps in.. A shadow that makes my words fade away bit by bit.. And i want to speak.. To write.. The story in my soul.. Visibly sifting through a handful of letters.. Unaware of the lyrics melting into the silence of rhythmic poetry.. Unseen.. Unheard.. Unformed.. But there.. Waiting to be touched.. Waiting to be felt.. Waiting to be transformed once again.. 

6:36 AM

Experienced moments

Its beautiful in the garden, rocking to the creaking sound of the swing, enveloped by a cool breeze, almost incomprehensible. A group of old women chatting non-stop, finding a peaceful haven, of companionship in the lap of healing Nature. The breeze plays with my hair, hating to be ignored, teasing, present, happy. Children shout and play all around, losing to the mad cacophony of crows, indecipherable, impromptu. People walk in circles, ruminating, chatting, relishing an outdoors that has become so precious after the lockdown. Dogs laze in the grass, observing the antics of everyone around. Love the sight of children running and playing freely, joyously. Trees remain silent witness, observing from their high perches, a new scene, fresh heartbeats, unmatched stories, waiting for that one look, of appreciation, of love, of gratitude. Flowers laugh and smile, swinging on branches swaying in the breeze, or with birds playing hop skotch on them. Spilling over Earth in celebration, dressing it forming welcoming carpets all over its heart. A football rolls across the silky grass, adding a dash of coloured and beckoning fun. Old men form their own group of deep conversations, needing to be heard, even through shared silence. Mangoes weigh heavy on branches, creating a gratifying upliftment in every glimpse. Seagulls move in circles, imitating eagles rising high in disdain. The sky interspersed with clear shades of blue and white, adorned by a full moon looking down indulgently. So many stories form in hearts, in groups, in thoughts, in the windows of buildings around, as i write one of my own just like that. 

Untouched abandon

So its the night of my daughters bday.. They are still partying.. And the smiles on their faces.. The sheer fun they find in each others company.. Uplifts my heart unimaginably.. We grow up feeling the burdens of responsibility.. But the company of children gives us the unabashed connection with our soul.. Provided we can let go of the burden of responsibility and accept our roles as simply a part of all the other facets of us.. The impromptu hugs our children give us speak of a seamless connection.. Fragile.. Precious..priceless.. In all such countless moments not a single one has seemed jaded.. Or adulterated.. Makes me just as happy each time.. We are blessed with many beautiful people in our life.. Every relation meaningful.. Momentous.. But we need to arrest it forever.. Needing assurances of a moment to stretch into forever instead of living a whole life in a moment.. I have so many unanswered questions about life that only i can find an answer to.. Provided i am willing to look deep enough.. To seek within what i await outside.. Really need to resolve to remove the mundane distractions of life.. And hold on to the essence.. To really look at it.. Understand it.. Imbibe it.. Enough to see the path i need to walk.. Loving.. Forgiving.. Myself.. And everyone else.. Everything else.. Answering to who i am accepting one by one all the roles i play.. With compassion and humility.. Everything that could possibly go wrong happened today.. And yet.. Here are my kids and their friends singing and dancing with untouched abandon.. And herein lies the truth behind all the unnecessary melodrama..

3:52 AM

Helter skelter

And so another day starts with its own aura of freshness.. Hope.. Another set of resolutions.. Held like a fistful of sand.. Slipping away relentlessly.. The mind is strong.. Then why give in to weakness.. We believe in beautifying our bodies religiously.. But our minds.. Not once we stop to see the state we are leaving it in.. Sometimes ugly.. Disheveled.. Hurting.. Or glowing.. What none can see, is not worth taking care of.. For life is about the outside.. That is our major belief system.. Leading us to a disconnect with our souls.. With our life.. There is an innate sadness in all of us.. Tensions and worries have become a natural part of life.. While happiness and contentment fleeting gifts we need to look for.. Our belief system needs to be changed and for that we need to understand the working of our minds.. Watch our thoughts.. That mirage-like chase us helter-skelter.. To rise above wisps of thoughts and enjoy their impromptu dance across the surface of our mind.. Respect its power with the awareness of your control.. Nothing reaches us until we let it.. And we need to learn to do that.. Do not let go of people.. Let go of your thoughts.. Everything is only as bad as how you think.. So teach yourself ways to think right.. To think different.. To laugh when angry.. Smile when irritable.. No one can affect you except yourself.. Believe and educate.. And learn.. 

7:02 AM

Truth

Today i want to speak of truth.. Writing always felt natural.. Essential.. Like breathing itself.. And here i am staring at the paper.. Penning erratic thoughts gone wild.. Like the clutter in my head.. The constant noise, cribbing.. Protesting.. Fuming.. Criticizing.. Worrying.. Having no trust in the soul that wrote only as much as the body could take in this lifetime.. Acceptance is the key.. I know it.. And yet.. The unreal becomes so real in the head.. Creating circles within circles.. Smaller and smaller.. And smaller.. And we keep shrinking within.. Truth seems such a mirage.. What really is truth.. What we believe in this moment.. Varying in every eye every heart.. And then we fight and argue over it.. Like truth has to be some gospel only we know about.. Our perceptions are delineating myriad truths as per our mindset in the present moment.. Changing us.. Forming A rigid belief system that torments and haunts us.. For only the fact of life in this moment is true.. And compassion for the self and everything around.. For the 'humanity' within.. Most everyone knows this truth.. But colors it according to their comprehension in the present.. Letting life buffet and whip us along into whirlpools of thoughts,feeling,emotions that seem so real.. Our truths tormenting us.. With a finger always pointing outside.. Shifting the responsibility to others with a resultant helplessness.. Waiting for things to change as a legacy of our life.. I string these words.. They look beautiful.. Let me hold them and just feel..

6:48 AM

Writing and journaling

We can see but somehow fail to register the power of our minds.. Whatever we say we cannot do to someone junior to us, changes the instant a superior tells us to do the same.. We cannot diet, or have no control over our food habits, but the same changes during a fast.. Both the things our mind is only telling us to do.. So why not coach our minds bit by bit.. Into doing the things we feel too lazy or timid to do.. There is extreme power in our head.. And we have been feeding it all the information it has.. And only we can change that.. Correct that.. Why let the mind decipher our reaction when we can give it a fresh response.. In a day, note the situations where you could not respond, and teach your mind a fresh response with conviction.. It is the only language it accepts and understands.. You can either write morning pages reviewing the previous day and moving on with fresh resolve.. Or write before sleeping reviewing the whole day and sleeping over a fresh response.. Writing gives clarity to our thoughts.. Focuses them completely, without running away distractedly.. Blame is what brought all the travails in our life.. And we continue to blame still.. For within blame hides our guilt.. And that personifies as lessons to be learnt in each lifetime.. Till we change blame to responsibility.. Recognizing our ability to respond.. A dog barks at us and we move away or move on.. A man screams and we scream back or deplete our energy with anger boiling within.. Noise disturbs us tremendously.. But the noise of crows or parrots we take in our stride.. Just because we think we can or cant do anything about it.. We lash out at our juniors saying they compelled us.. But can keep our control with a superior.. If Abusive language is a habit, how are we civil with important people.. Nothing in our world is out of our control.. We just need to create the right mindset.. Practice daily with the little things of life.. Satiate our minds with proof of fresh convictions..  

3:31 PM

Conditioned mindset

The days just melt into each other.. Disappearing bit by bit.. Every chance held within each moment.. To seek.. To walk within.. Waiting for things to happen.. To do.. When it is all inside.. In this moment.. And our love affair with this moment.. An exultant breath.. an ecstatic joy.. Why are eyes dulled with the weight of mundane deadlines.. Who will come and lift this burden away.. So used to always looking outwards for help and support.. For the realization of our existence.. For the value of our life.. That we never once think about our own duty towards ourselves.. For whatever we do.. Say.. Think.. Everything is intrinsically an extension of our own progress.. Ironically the more selfish we become, the less we care about ourselves.. And the more selfless we become, the more we end up caring for ourselves.. I hate that we can frown freely.. But have forgotten how to smile.. That we are so attentive with outsiders.. But ignore and dismiss our near and dear.. Just see how you greet a guest when they enter versus a family member.. Have we even stopped really looking at them.. We cannot be rushed for acquaintances.. But we can for a loved one.. Change this belief system.. How can it be right.. We really need to take that hammer and shatter that conditioning completely.. Start afresh.. Make your own rules.. Rules that speak with the freshness of your heart.. And teach yourself to smile.. For every moment is a blessing.. Not a curse..

4:19 PM

Reactional

The only way to actually stop being 'reactional' would be to pick situations through the day where we have later kicked ourselves and try to imagine a better way to handle things.. Maybe this checking helps become the solution we seek but are unable to implement.. Like the phone call today where i assumed it was about fresh help for the house.. Which it wasn't though that is really not important here.. What is important is the assumption.. The instant resistance.. The negative retort.. This can be changed by waiting to hear what the conversation was truly about.. So unhurried patience.. Then listening to the story.. So impartial attention.. Then responding to the situation.. That is calm acceptance.. Without getting worked up.. Understand the other persons viewpoint.. And the reason for your own resistance.. Fight old reactive habits.. Not the person or the situation.. Stress does not resolve anything.. Form ripples of peace.. Not whirlpools of discord.. If there is work stress, then look at the worse case scenario and accept it.. Then find solutions towards resolving it.. First remove the hammer dangling over your head instead of forever fearing it will hit you.. If the stress is health related, exude love not stress.. Fight your fears.. For only you have the ability to starve them.. Or feed them.. Enjoy the nuances of life.. It may be a fresh ray of sunshine.. It may be the fresh onset of night.. But it is always true.. Unique.. And original.. There is no competition.. No comparison.. Things and people are just the way they are.. You see, learn, adapt and change yourself.. Not everything around..

2:36 PM

The weight of reaction, and the freedom of awareness

Why is it so difficult to stop reacting to things immediately.. To give it a little time to be able to respond.. For it always backfires.. Do we really have to hold the reins so tight that we cant afford to set even a moment free to just be.. What makes us believe we are doing everything.. Why cant we step out.. Step away.. And observe.. Enslaved in lonely castles of egos voluntarily.. Looking past and beyond this veil should be easy.. But why are we unable to do so.. Why feel the rumbling anger seething through a perpetual frown.. Why ignore the gurgling joy waiting to dance through our smile.. A bursting ray of happiness we look for incessantly.. When it is right there.. Awaiting our choice.. What burden flogs us all the time.. The one we stare at.. The one we see.. The one we choose.. Accept the burden.. Its presence.. And don the joy.. Who tells us we cannot do that.. To express love is scary to express hate bold.. Expressing sadness underlines our importance.. Expressing joy undermines it.. Fight.. Keep fighting.. Resisting.. Understanding.. The magnetic lure of our unreal life.. Love generously.. Compassionately.. Empathically.. For the validation is in the very uniqueness of each heart.. Not in the judgmental superiority.. Questioning the very existence of anything disagreeable with our beliefs.. Even though we constantly change them.. Ourselves.. In unrecognizable ways sometimes.. For Truth only exists in the life of each moment.. 

2:11 PM

Churning within, chaos without

There is churning within and chaos without all amidst the tranquil beauty of nature compelling calmly to imbibe.. Enjoy .. Transport ourselves.. Why is it a norm to frown.. Who says you have to constantly show your upsetness and deprive your smiles just to get a message across.. To whom.. What about your heart.. Your life.. Precious moments that will never come back.. The rest of your loved ones.. Through no fault of theirs.. And the ripple effect of all that discontent.. That ire.. Just read a thought on writing your woes on sand and blessings on stone.. Simple beautiful thought.. Why is it so difficult to implement.. Despite the intention.. Despite the knowledge.. The conditioning.. The belief systems so deeply ingrained that everything becomes connected to our self worth.. What self do we need to prove worthy.. The body that anyway turns to ash.. Or the soul that is a reflection of divinity.. And does not need any proof.. If someone says something.. Or does something mean.. How does it hurt us.. Are they not hurting themselves.. Do they not need compassion instead of anger.. The ego does not exist.. We have to believe it.. Make it our new belief system.. Gathering so much stress towards things that others are saying and doing.. What are we doing to ourselves.. We are not here to prove anything.. We are here to learn and adapt through fresh experiences.. All the while waiting to see through the eye of our soul.. 

8:18 AM

The stranger within

We each of us are the complete center of our own world.. The entire universe an extension of ourselves.. Right from birth we start connecting with people.. And moving away from some, bit by bit.. And it is hard to imagine their life going on without us.. So many relationships.. Close bonds that become such an essential part of our life.. And then we meet them as strangers.. Like the bond just melted away.. Like the memories hold a stranger within.. How can we swear by anything or anyone then.. Even ourselves.. For in that moment it is impossible to imagine a life otherwise.. We are here to form relations with no one but ourselves.. The rest of the world is just here to extend a hand.. Teach a lesson.. Walk a few steps.. Exchange certain nuances left over from the past.. But none of us has built that bond with the self.. We are still looking for outsiders to support, understand and love.. Even accept our existence in their eyes.. And we feel empty.. Lonely.. Dissatisfied.. For none of it can be found outside.. The sense veils have to fall.. To distinctively realize the connection between body and soul.. The body is not the 'i' we refer to.. And if it is not.. Then who am i.. Everyone says the guru manifests at the right moment.. I yearn for that moment.. For within this seeking are disheartening realizations.. That darken.. Unfathomable.. Questions that desperately need to be answered.. How to walk further and further into the darkness without a lamp.. Without the way.. Fearing invisible claws grabbing at chunks of my bleeding soul.. And i look around in vain.. For that one step of faith.. I know i hold within..

1:42 PM

The dance of being

All the answers are there within us.. And our sub-conscience always knows what we are supposed to do.. But we get so embroiled in the tugging strings of past and future that every moment becomes a chaotic representation of our minds.. All the resolutions.. Every good intention gets transferred conditionally to some future date.. There is a hush deep within the roller coaster of our thoughts.. But the compulsive thrill of the ride would not let us get off or stop to touch it.. To feel it.. To meet it.. To embrace it.. I write incessantly, choosing the scattered bits of the letters of my soul.. Searching for the hidden nuances of the lyrics that play hide and seek.. With the rhythmic beat of my rapt heart.. To be in a moment.. To feel it.. To live it.. To watch yourself be in a moment.. To live it.. Feel it.. Is a mystery we have yet to solve.. All that is happening around us.. All the people around us.. Are here for a reason.. Trust in that reason.. Accept and move on.. Only this morning i wondered about nature and how we hold every bit of it within us.. The sun is our soul.. The earth our life.. The wind our senses.. The moon our dreams.. The sky our body.. The clouds our frowns.. The stars our smiles.. Wringing the poetry.. The music.. Nature encompasses our very being into this dance with creation.. Tiny sparks of divinity.. Waiting to be recognized.. To light the way.. To feel the oneness.. To embrace our uniqueness.. And wonder of the cosmos within..

7:41 PM

Anger

Anger just overwhelms.. It rises like a storm and destroys everything in its way.. Compulsive.. Essential.. Immediate.. But where is this anger coming from.. And why is it so hard to resist.. Whether torrent of tears or verbal tirade or physical abuse.. Just bursts forth like molten lava.. Freezing relationships into distorted shapes.. Can this be avoided.. Controlled.. Is it possible to look directly at the temper and ask it to stand down.. Just that one moment.. Just that one look.. Is enough.. For convincing our mind otherwise.. Whether thoughts of anger or calm.. Both rise from within.. Both a choice we make through our conditioning and beliefs.. We need to break the conditioning that gives us a handbook of naturally acceptable reactions.. The only thing natural to every human being is love.. So stop believing otherwise.. Stop acting against your nature.. Anger is not natural.. Tension is not natural.. What we believe about ourselves is more important than Whatever anyone says to us or about us.. Our words try to convince the world our convictions change it.. How to control this mind is the most important question here.. Going through this wild forest of thought-experiences each time.. Finds chaotic wild solutions.. The jungle being the norm.. We need to slowly form a clearing.. Plant fresh flowers and seeds.. Welcome the guests of experience.. Knowing they have entered our home for a little bit of your time.. Really look at things as ephemeral.. To create a garden of your choice..

11:22 AM

Missing

Divinity has granted us a cocoon as an embrace of love.. That celebrates our existence.. Hurting with us.. Protecting.. Guiding.. Justifying our very existence.. And even though we might take their love for granted.. It hurts like hell once they are no more.. The missing so intense it shakes our essence.. No one else in the world believes in every facet of us.. Lighting even the darker hidden facets with touches of empathic love.. My father with his quiet presence paced our lives with settled peace.. His stories became value guides.. His keen intellect showed us the way.. His trust forming a moral tapestry we weaved ourselves.. And the unmatched sense of freedom to be ourselves brought out an individuality exposed to all budding parts of itself.. And my ma.. In her eyes we could never go wrong.. In her hug we found a home.. Every word out of our mouth became her prayer.. Her blessing.. Her wish.. She was our rock holding us together.. The vacuum they have left is insurmountable.. The struggle in vain to fill those gaping holes.. Of suffering at the end.. The questions numerous.. The pain unbearable.. Wish no one has to see a parent suffer like that.. It puts you in an incessant whirlpool of hurting whys.. I miss them unbearably.. And though i understand death is a part of life.. And they fulfilled their role completely.. But the pain.. The suffering.. Has left these gaping holes that refuse to go away.. 

7:25 AM

Vanity

Vanity is an integral part of our egos.. The need to look good an essential part of our psyche.. We can take in our stride being rude.. Or abusive.. Or losing our temper.. But that blemish on our face.. The loss of hair.. A single wrinkle can give us sleepless nights.. One we carry over lifetimes.. One we burn away.. A strange belief system followed by each one of us.. What if we are gentle and compassionate.. What if our being is suffused with love.. Would that beauty surpass physical ugliness.. Looks are ridiculed, not an ugly temperament.. Appearances are judged before who you are.. Physical impressions the touchstone for a complete personality.. So our entire life is spent in keeping up with the woes of how we look, what we wear.. Trying to fit into the current fads.. And the soul withers in vain silence to be recognized.. Acknowledged.. Understood.. By us.. Skimming over a peripheral life.. We race towards completion unendingly.. We write a beggar off in our mind.. Hardly ever even look at the help.. The rich and the beautiful are ogled and aped.. Try to seek the beauty within yourself and others.. For that reflection heartens and satiates.. Helping the soul walk another step towards the light.. Instead of remaining stuck in the quicksand.. Or circling in a whirlpool of stagnancy.. Become the tipping point of a changing belief system.. Have the courage to just be.. For therein lies the truth.. Therein resides divinity..

6:54 AM

Cocoon of darkness

We are so embroiled in our own world that everything begins and ends with ourselves.. Centers of our own universe.. The world revolves around us.. The suns of our galaxy.. This is the ego.. So full of its individual presence.. Unable to see its own reflection around.. Every story has to begin and end with us. The broader aspects of ourselves are of no concern whatsoever.. The supposed love for friends and family hesitating at the threshold of differences of opinion.. Never allowing the love to seep into our senses.. Creating a sensory oneness of pure insight.. But the love remains attached to our ego.. Every declaration dependent only on the individual self.. So much discord.. Such disquiet.. Unhappiness.. Everything can end.. It is in our hands.. But we would rather hold on to our ego.. And let go of everything else.. Looking around with accusing eyes.. Blaming divinity for our lot.. Alienating everyone.. Imprisoning ourselves with the true culprit, our own ego.. How to break down these barriers of the self.. Has anyone even scratched the surface.. Trying to tear it down.. Contented in the cocoon of darkness.. Secure in its benumbed passivity.. Even a chink of light glaringly hurting and hurriedly blocked.. This is the path.. The people.. We chose for ourselves.. Each step we choose to pave with thorny stems plucking the roses and tossing them behind.. Living within the outlined shadow.. Never looking within.. Never knowing who we are..

6:12 AM

Notes of music

Holidays mean a lot to us.. Is it an escape from our mundane routine or just the outdoors.. The call of nature.. Its healing power.. Its rejuvenating energy.. Calling out to us.. Looking around.. Maybe for the sake of pictures.. But taking time out to do so.. In the midst of family and friends.. A shared harmony within and without.. Using this time to actually look at each other.. In shared empathic awe.. Enjoying a company we dismiss in rushed impatience otherwise.. The same sun.. Moon.. Stars.. Trees.. Flowers.. Present.. Yet.. Hidden behind concrete material.. Heartening spurts of glimpses that satiate fleetingly.. So I wonder if the holiday is from life as we know it.. Embracing each other and nature to freeze frame for eternity moments that are precious but believing them to be stolen.. Or not a natural part of our life.. The open spaces seem to expand the peace-fields within.. Brushed with Sun-kissed stems of jubilation.. Or twinkling hope laughing across our mind-sky.. Stimulating every pore with exhilarating magnetism in absorbed oneness with the universe.. Vibrations of love dancing over nerve-ends in impromptu steps of divine beats.. Yes, i can create my world.. Yes, i can nurture my world.. Yes, i can destroy my world.. And no one but me is responsible for it.. Holding the trinity.. The cosmos.. I conduct the notes of music rising within.. Transporting myself and everyone around into the experience of a lifetime.. 

11:20 AM

Shapeshifters

It is so early nearly 5am.. Pure serenity all around.. Hushed flames of muted light winding into the depths of the sea.. Frozen waterfalls of color.. Beckoning compellingly to the seeker of quiet beauty.. A lone dog barks begging for a response.. The birds still fast asleep.. The lights on boats blink intermittently.. Tiny beacons of hopeful survival catching its breath for a moment.. Every bit of this world is reflected within.. I know it is.. I can feel a whiff sometimes.. Of hurting missing.. Why is it so difficult to see.. To feel.. To explore the world within.. These words.. These thoughts.. Arise from where.. What is the source of the poetry.. The venom.. If 'i' am thinking.. And i am writing.. And i am dying.. Then who lives on.. If my words are meant to seer eternity where is the eternal music that ebbs and flows at the shores of a peripheral life.. Untouched.. Abandoned.. Pure.. Serene.. Standing in the midst of these thronging thoughts that assail.. A city of changing shapes.. Under the premise of life.. And i love this city.. And i desperately seek to run away.. A rider gone wild with the horses it rides.. If i could only open the layers of the moment.. Like the petals of a lotus flower.. Sensually seeping.. Imbibing.. Experiencing.. Every breath of creation.. Able to see the jungle.. The animals.. The wilderness that holds my address.. My home.. That feeds loneliness and a terror of stepping out.. Shape shifters of masked theories carving random directions into a lost paradise..

5:49 AM

Fate and destiny

Today i got up at 5.30 specially to start writing the morning pages again.. Writing is such an integral part of me but lately i find a dissociation with my soul.. And feel maybe this is the missing link.. There is so much trivia going on around and getting roped within.. Not on its own but by myself.. There is a wholesome core within all of us which we let shatter into tiny little disjointed pieces that constantly cut and hurt ourselves.. In this conjecture over fate and destiny i wonder sometimes.. Is resistance the answer or acceptance.. We have drawn a path for ourselves, hoping we would carpet it with flowers not stones.. This resistance.. This struggle.. As if we are bringing about all the change around us.. But the one changing is only us, nothing else.. I have total respect for my mind.. But why do i forget i still hold the reins.. The thought-horses have been trained.. But they run amok reactively.. Only i can see them.. Watch over them.. And respond accordingly.. Sometimes setting free the thought that wants to race ahead.. In this journey we feel the burden of responsibilities.. Destroying ourselves under it.. Instead of taking that one step away.. With the awareness of a responsibility to ourselves.. And a healthy journey ahead.. This frown.. This disquiet.. This stress.. This frustration.. All of it is a choice that we make every moment.. Getting further away from our natural self.. Choking over a life that is meant to set us free.. 

6:09 AM