Wooing butterflies

The clouds stretched languidly, in silent camaraderie with the dogs lolling about lazily, curling, plonking into spaces of comfort and bliss.. birds flitted around, in earnest call, for the world to celebrate by their side, and hear the happy songs in their heart.. amidst incessant sounds of encore following them around.. flowers wooed butterflies swaying to the music of intoxicating hues and fragrances.. palms stood tall and proud, trying to maintain their stern aura, despite Nature’s unabashed show of love.. a heron glided down, in delicate symphony, each step creating a dance of life and death, its keen eye and hushed demeanour, camouflaging both intent and presence with every swoop and capture.. lush overgrowth clothed the marshy land with greens of every shade, shape and size. Making poets of my thoughts, that came together in pure symmetry, painting a divine ode to this moment.

Experienced moments

Its beautiful in the garden, rocking to the creaking sound of the swing, enveloped by a cool breeze, almost incomprehensible. A group of old women chatting non-stop, finding a peaceful haven, of companionship in the lap of healing Nature. The breeze plays with my hair, hating to be ignored, teasing, present, happy. Children shout and play all around, losing to the mad cacophony of crows, indecipherable, impromptu. People walk in circles, ruminating, chatting, relishing an outdoors that has become so precious after the lockdown. Dogs laze in the grass, observing the antics of everyone around. Love the sight of children running and playing freely, joyously. Trees remain silent witness, observing from their high perches, a new scene, fresh heartbeats, unmatched stories, waiting for that one look, of appreciation, of love, of gratitude. Flowers laugh and smile, swinging on branches swaying in the breeze, or with birds playing hop skotch on them. Spilling over Earth in celebration, dressing it forming welcoming carpets all over its heart. A football rolls across the silky grass, adding a dash of coloured and beckoning fun. Old men form their own group of deep conversations, needing to be heard, even through shared silence. Mangoes weigh heavy on branches, creating a gratifying upliftment in every glimpse. Seagulls move in circles, imitating eagles rising high in disdain. The sky interspersed with clear shades of blue and white, adorned by a full moon looking down indulgently. So many stories form in hearts, in groups, in thoughts, in the windows of buildings around, as i write one of my own just like that. 

Untouched abandon

So its the night of my daughters bday.. They are still partying.. And the smiles on their faces.. The sheer fun they find in each others company.. Uplifts my heart unimaginably.. We grow up feeling the burdens of responsibility.. But the company of children gives us the unabashed connection with our soul.. Provided we can let go of the burden of responsibility and accept our roles as simply a part of all the other facets of us.. The impromptu hugs our children give us speak of a seamless connection.. Fragile.. Precious..priceless.. In all such countless moments not a single one has seemed jaded.. Or adulterated.. Makes me just as happy each time.. We are blessed with many beautiful people in our life.. Every relation meaningful.. Momentous.. But we need to arrest it forever.. Needing assurances of a moment to stretch into forever instead of living a whole life in a moment.. I have so many unanswered questions about life that only i can find an answer to.. Provided i am willing to look deep enough.. To seek within what i await outside.. Really need to resolve to remove the mundane distractions of life.. And hold on to the essence.. To really look at it.. Understand it.. Imbibe it.. Enough to see the path i need to walk.. Loving.. Forgiving.. Myself.. And everyone else.. Everything else.. Answering to who i am accepting one by one all the roles i play.. With compassion and humility.. Everything that could possibly go wrong happened today.. And yet.. Here are my kids and their friends singing and dancing with untouched abandon.. And herein lies the truth behind all the unnecessary melodrama..

3:52 AM

Helter skelter

And so another day starts with its own aura of freshness.. Hope.. Another set of resolutions.. Held like a fistful of sand.. Slipping away relentlessly.. The mind is strong.. Then why give in to weakness.. We believe in beautifying our bodies religiously.. But our minds.. Not once we stop to see the state we are leaving it in.. Sometimes ugly.. Disheveled.. Hurting.. Or glowing.. What none can see, is not worth taking care of.. For life is about the outside.. That is our major belief system.. Leading us to a disconnect with our souls.. With our life.. There is an innate sadness in all of us.. Tensions and worries have become a natural part of life.. While happiness and contentment fleeting gifts we need to look for.. Our belief system needs to be changed and for that we need to understand the working of our minds.. Watch our thoughts.. That mirage-like chase us helter-skelter.. To rise above wisps of thoughts and enjoy their impromptu dance across the surface of our mind.. Respect its power with the awareness of your control.. Nothing reaches us until we let it.. And we need to learn to do that.. Do not let go of people.. Let go of your thoughts.. Everything is only as bad as how you think.. So teach yourself ways to think right.. To think different.. To laugh when angry.. Smile when irritable.. No one can affect you except yourself.. Believe and educate.. And learn.. 

7:02 AM

Truth

Today i want to speak of truth.. Writing always felt natural.. Essential.. Like breathing itself.. And here i am staring at the paper.. Penning erratic thoughts gone wild.. Like the clutter in my head.. The constant noise, cribbing.. Protesting.. Fuming.. Criticizing.. Worrying.. Having no trust in the soul that wrote only as much as the body could take in this lifetime.. Acceptance is the key.. I know it.. And yet.. The unreal becomes so real in the head.. Creating circles within circles.. Smaller and smaller.. And smaller.. And we keep shrinking within.. Truth seems such a mirage.. What really is truth.. What we believe in this moment.. Varying in every eye every heart.. And then we fight and argue over it.. Like truth has to be some gospel only we know about.. Our perceptions are delineating myriad truths as per our mindset in the present moment.. Changing us.. Forming A rigid belief system that torments and haunts us.. For only the fact of life in this moment is true.. And compassion for the self and everything around.. For the 'humanity' within.. Most everyone knows this truth.. But colors it according to their comprehension in the present.. Letting life buffet and whip us along into whirlpools of thoughts,feeling,emotions that seem so real.. Our truths tormenting us.. With a finger always pointing outside.. Shifting the responsibility to others with a resultant helplessness.. Waiting for things to change as a legacy of our life.. I string these words.. They look beautiful.. Let me hold them and just feel..

6:48 AM

Writing and journaling

We can see but somehow fail to register the power of our minds.. Whatever we say we cannot do to someone junior to us, changes the instant a superior tells us to do the same.. We cannot diet, or have no control over our food habits, but the same changes during a fast.. Both the things our mind is only telling us to do.. So why not coach our minds bit by bit.. Into doing the things we feel too lazy or timid to do.. There is extreme power in our head.. And we have been feeding it all the information it has.. And only we can change that.. Correct that.. Why let the mind decipher our reaction when we can give it a fresh response.. In a day, note the situations where you could not respond, and teach your mind a fresh response with conviction.. It is the only language it accepts and understands.. You can either write morning pages reviewing the previous day and moving on with fresh resolve.. Or write before sleeping reviewing the whole day and sleeping over a fresh response.. Writing gives clarity to our thoughts.. Focuses them completely, without running away distractedly.. Blame is what brought all the travails in our life.. And we continue to blame still.. For within blame hides our guilt.. And that personifies as lessons to be learnt in each lifetime.. Till we change blame to responsibility.. Recognizing our ability to respond.. A dog barks at us and we move away or move on.. A man screams and we scream back or deplete our energy with anger boiling within.. Noise disturbs us tremendously.. But the noise of crows or parrots we take in our stride.. Just because we think we can or cant do anything about it.. We lash out at our juniors saying they compelled us.. But can keep our control with a superior.. If Abusive language is a habit, how are we civil with important people.. Nothing in our world is out of our control.. We just need to create the right mindset.. Practice daily with the little things of life.. Satiate our minds with proof of fresh convictions..  

3:31 PM

Conditioned mindset

The days just melt into each other.. Disappearing bit by bit.. Every chance held within each moment.. To seek.. To walk within.. Waiting for things to happen.. To do.. When it is all inside.. In this moment.. And our love affair with this moment.. An exultant breath.. an ecstatic joy.. Why are eyes dulled with the weight of mundane deadlines.. Who will come and lift this burden away.. So used to always looking outwards for help and support.. For the realization of our existence.. For the value of our life.. That we never once think about our own duty towards ourselves.. For whatever we do.. Say.. Think.. Everything is intrinsically an extension of our own progress.. Ironically the more selfish we become, the less we care about ourselves.. And the more selfless we become, the more we end up caring for ourselves.. I hate that we can frown freely.. But have forgotten how to smile.. That we are so attentive with outsiders.. But ignore and dismiss our near and dear.. Just see how you greet a guest when they enter versus a family member.. Have we even stopped really looking at them.. We cannot be rushed for acquaintances.. But we can for a loved one.. Change this belief system.. How can it be right.. We really need to take that hammer and shatter that conditioning completely.. Start afresh.. Make your own rules.. Rules that speak with the freshness of your heart.. And teach yourself to smile.. For every moment is a blessing.. Not a curse..

4:19 PM

Reactional

The only way to actually stop being 'reactional' would be to pick situations through the day where we have later kicked ourselves and try to imagine a better way to handle things.. Maybe this checking helps become the solution we seek but are unable to implement.. Like the phone call today where i assumed it was about fresh help for the house.. Which it wasn't though that is really not important here.. What is important is the assumption.. The instant resistance.. The negative retort.. This can be changed by waiting to hear what the conversation was truly about.. So unhurried patience.. Then listening to the story.. So impartial attention.. Then responding to the situation.. That is calm acceptance.. Without getting worked up.. Understand the other persons viewpoint.. And the reason for your own resistance.. Fight old reactive habits.. Not the person or the situation.. Stress does not resolve anything.. Form ripples of peace.. Not whirlpools of discord.. If there is work stress, then look at the worse case scenario and accept it.. Then find solutions towards resolving it.. First remove the hammer dangling over your head instead of forever fearing it will hit you.. If the stress is health related, exude love not stress.. Fight your fears.. For only you have the ability to starve them.. Or feed them.. Enjoy the nuances of life.. It may be a fresh ray of sunshine.. It may be the fresh onset of night.. But it is always true.. Unique.. And original.. There is no competition.. No comparison.. Things and people are just the way they are.. You see, learn, adapt and change yourself.. Not everything around..

2:36 PM

The weight of reaction, and the freedom of awareness

Why is it so difficult to stop reacting to things immediately?

To give it a little time to be able to respond?

For it always backfires.

Do we really have to hold the reins so tight that we can’t afford to set even a moment free—to just be?

What makes us believe we are doing everything?

Why can’t we step out, step away, and observe?

Enslaved in lonely castles of egos, voluntarily.

Looking past and beyond this veil should be easy.

But why are we unable to do so?

Why feel the rumbling anger seething through a perpetual frown?

Why ignore the gurgling joy waiting to dance through our smile?

A bursting ray of happiness we look for incessantly—when it is right there, awaiting our choice.

What burden flogs us all the time?

The one we stare at.

The one we see.

The one we choose.

Accept the burden—its presence—and don the joy.

Who tells us we cannot do that?

To express love is scary.

To express hate—bold.

Expressing sadness underlines our importance.

Expressing joy undermines it.

Fight. Keep fighting.

Resisting. Understanding.

The magnetic lure of our unreal life.

Love generously.

Compassionately.

Empathically.

For the validation is in the very uniqueness of each heart—

Not in the judgmental superiority questioning the very existence of anything disagreeable with our beliefs.

Even though we constantly change them—

Ourselves—

In unrecognizable ways, sometimes.

For Truth only exists in the life of each moment.

2:11 PM

Churning within, chaos without

There is churning within, and chaos without — all amidst the tranquil beauty of nature compelling calmly to imbibe. Enjoy. Transport ourselves.

Why is it a norm to frown? Who says you have to constantly show your upsetness and deprive your smiles just to get a message across? To whom?

What about your heart? Your life? Precious moments that will never come back. The rest of your loved ones — through no fault of theirs — and the ripple effect of all that discontent, that ire.

Just read a thought on writing your woes on sand and blessings on stone. Simple, beautiful thought. Why is it so difficult to implement — despite the intention, despite the knowledge? The conditioning. The belief systems so deeply ingrained that everything becomes connected to our self-worth.

What self do we need to prove worthy? The body — that anyway turns to ash? Or the soul — that is a reflection of divinity and does not need any proof?

If someone says something, or does something mean, how does it hurt us? Are they not hurting themselves? Do they not need compassion instead of anger?

The ego does not exist. We have to believe it. Make it our new belief system.

Gathering so much stress towards things that others are saying and doing — what are we doing to ourselves?

We are not here to prove anything. We are here to learn and adapt through fresh experiences — all the while waiting to see through the eye of our soul.

8:18 AM

The stranger within

We, each of us, are the complete center of our own world. The entire universe—an extension of ourselves.

Right from birth, we start connecting with people… and moving away from some, bit by bit. And it is hard to imagine their life going on without us. So many relationships… close bonds that become such an essential part of our life. And then we meet them as strangers—like the bond just melted away. Like the memories hold a stranger within.

How can we swear by anything or anyone then? Even ourselves? For in that moment, it is impossible to imagine a life otherwise.

We are here to form relations with no one but ourselves. The rest of the world is just here to extend a hand, teach a lesson, walk a few steps, exchange certain nuances left over from the past. But none of us has built that bond with the self. We are still looking for outsiders to support, understand, and love— even accept our existence in their eyes. And we feel empty. Lonely. Dissatisfied. For none of it can be found outside.

The sense veils have to fall—to distinctively realize the connection between body and soul. The body is not the “I” we refer to. And if it is not, then who am I?

Everyone says the guru manifests at the right moment. I yearn for that moment. For within this seeking are disheartening realizations that darken… unfathomable… questions that desperately need to be answered.

How to walk further and further into the darkness without a lamp, without the way… fearing invisible claws grabbing at chunks of my bleeding soul?

And I look around in vain—for that one step of faith I know I hold within.

The dance of being

All the answers are there within us. And our sub-conscience always knows what we are supposed to do. But we get so embroiled in the tugging strings of past and future that every moment becomes a chaotic representation of our minds.

All the resolutions… every good intention… gets transferred conditionally to some future date. There is a hush deep within the roller coaster of our thoughts. But the compulsive thrill of the ride would not let us get off or stop to touch it… to feel it… to meet it… to embrace it.

I write incessantly, choosing the scattered bits of the letters of my soul, searching for the hidden nuances of the lyrics that play hide and seek with the rhythmic beat of my rapt heart. To be in a moment… to feel it… to live it… to watch yourself be in a moment… to live it… feel it… is a mystery we have yet to solve.

All that is happening around us… all the people around us… are here for a reason. Trust in that reason. Accept and move on.

Only this morning, I wondered about nature and how we hold every bit of it within us. The sun is our soul. The earth, our life. The wind, our senses. The moon, our dreams. The sky, our body. The clouds, our frowns. The stars, our smiles.

Wringing the poetry… the music… nature encompasses our very being into this dance with creation—tiny sparks of divinity waiting to be recognized. To light the way. To feel the oneness. To embrace our uniqueness and wonder of the cosmos within.

7:41 PM

Anger

Anger just overwhelms. It rises like a storm and destroys everything in its way. Compulsive. Essential. Immediate. But where is this anger coming from? And why is it so hard to resist?

Whether torrent of tears, or verbal tirade, or physical abuse… just bursts forth like molten lava, freezing relationships into distorted shapes.

Can this be avoided? Controlled? Is it possible to look directly at the temper and ask it to stand down? Just that one moment… just that one look… is enough for convincing our mind otherwise.

Whether thoughts of anger or calm—both rise from within. Both a choice we make through our conditioning and beliefs. We need to break the conditioning that gives us a handbook of naturally acceptable reactions.

The only thing natural to every human being is love. So stop believing otherwise. Stop acting against your nature. Anger is not natural. Tension is not natural.

What we believe about ourselves is more important than whatever anyone says to us or about us. Our words try to convince the world. Our convictions change it.

How to control this mind is the most important question here.

Going through this wild forest of thought-experiences each time finds chaotic, wild solutions. The jungle being the norm, we need to slowly form a clearing. Plant fresh flowers and seeds. Welcome the guests of experience, knowing they have entered our home for a little bit of your time.

Really look at things as ephemeral—to create a garden of your choice.

Impromptu dance

It’s a beautiful dawn, with tiny rivulets of light swimming across the sky, splashing myriad hues of cloud-shapes all around. The traffic and the bird sounds vie with each other to be heard defiantly.

The sea desperately awaits the healing touches of the sun to write poetry on her body—ravaged by the night lights, ravishing, piercing through her self. The moonlight, trying in vain to sing a lullaby with hesitant pearly music, lacks a reach.

This symphony, vibrating in every pore of nature, yearns to touch… to woo. The breeze writes fresh lyrics all over our skin.

If only we could attend this mesmerizing concert just for a moment—one that could transport us to paradise—that is played every moment just to serenade us. Beckoning… urging… to step into an impromptu dance with the cosmos. Cajoling the dulled heart and weighted mind with unheard notes waiting to uplift… to heal… over the cacophony constantly playing in our minds.

The sea and sky playfully try on the different shades of gold, hewn with ethereal threads of changing hues. And my heart, overjoyed, dances on wings of joy, keeping in step with the birds streaking across with gleeful abandon.

This pigeon sits on my windowsill, in rhythmic trance, breathing a language that I can only feel—creating an awe of the miraculous love of divinity… and the import and grandeur of our life… our existence… a unique note, without which this entire symphony would be left incomplete.

7:26 AM