Dance of shadows and light

Have you seen the moon Struggling up there With the clouds

So many are there.. Unendingly.. And yet..

Can you resist those fleeting glimpses Full of smiles..

Can you help falling in love..

Can you resist the pride and joy Reflected so pervasively,

As you bask in that ethereal glow..

Mesmerized.. Unable to contain.. To hold..

When the 'ache' merges shimmeringly in this

Dance of shadows and light..

As 'divinity' softly enters your heart

Bathed in a magical hush..

 

Yes the need is there to hold This 'tiny' miracle

That glows in your eyes.. That settles in your heart

That makes you forget Everything

As involuntarily you stretch Out your palm

As if to hold Something Beyond... Way beyond..

And it smiles reflectively

As you shake your head in wonder

As this irresistible bond

That pulls you despite.. All comprehension.......... 

Your gift to me

Each day this dawn

Ever-changing Fresh, beautiful

So picturesque

Taking my breath away

Reflected in that dawning smile

Dappling shades of you

Each time a new facet

Sparkling, shimmering

As i greet every day

With thoughts of you...

Helpless joy.. A heart so full

I see the clouds glowing

Each lined brightly

With the first light of dawn

And i think of a struggle

A soft sensitive heart

Valiantly trying To find that light

Enticingly withheld.. Painfully felt

Struggling to rise On a promise he made

To himself...

And as i stand here

I can feel this gift You gave me

In the glowing clouds.. In the joy in my soul

All a reflection Of your belief.. Your smile

Your gift to me

Pure sunshine

the one door in this corridor of life, 

She would have walked past 

and always missed out on.. 

suddenly he was there, 

gently holding her hand, 

as together they stepped 

into this wondrous new world. 

is this the ultimate one, to happiness, for the rest of their lives.. 

the one that leads to paradise.. 

why didn't She hesitate, 

what made her believe, 

as She trustingly held his hand 

and let him lead

would that haven ever be, 

enfolded in his arms, lost to world, worshipping him in every way.. 

eyes filling up with emotion, 

with the sanctity of 

this much awaited moment, 

as She melts within to touch his soul.. with heart so full of love and devotion, would any wonder compare to that, could any feeling be so complete. 

just a gesture or a prayer, 

wanting to cherish all of him.. 

a feeling of belonging, 

such an expression of oneness, 

so lost in him with no self at all .. 

just him that matters, 

as She trustingly surrenders herself 

to his loving care. 

would he pick her up 

with a gentleness so palpably felt, almost her undoing, 

as he show her, 

her rightful place..

such a feeling of coming home 

it would be 

as he kisses away her tears, 

unspoken emotion warring in his eyes, overwhelming both with it's intensity. could She resist the need in his eyes, 

as She felt him tremble in her arms, 

that racing heart so loud in her ears. what would It be to kiss his palm, 

His eyes closed in ecstasy, 

teasing that expectant mouth 

those lips just waiting for her....

Message of Dawn

Pensive moments

Captured  in heart Full of hurting memories

That vacuum that darkness Choked me so

In that one momentary glimpse Within your smile

What is this burden Drenched in pain

That begs to be eased.. Needs to be shared

What misery shuts everyone out

For which mishap Do you flog yourself

Why vacant eyes devoid of hope

Question in surprise That unthinking smile

Why innocent wishes These simple dreams 

Seem unreal, chimeric

Haven't you paid enough to life

It waits for you with so many gifts

So many smiles it owes to you

If only you'd reach past that mist

And allow yourself to move on

The cleansing is real can't you see

These darkest moments holding you

Hide within - a message of dawn....

Torn asunder

that one calling with no place to reach.. that one wisp of heaven in a mortal sky.. that one practice with nothing to preach.. that one love will it pass  you by? that one sliver of sunshine that one drop of rain that single pierce of pleasure that never ceases to pain.. is this the one we wonder is this the dream alive.. will we be torn asunder or suspended in between.. 

sitting here amidst these lights and the night sky flying free and high.. i think of you and your song.. as i smile knowing in my heart of the heights you're about to achieve.. 

all the visions i see realized.. nearing a zenith from where you alight  for as the horizons widen and your heart takes flight you have to shed each burden weighing you down inside.. 

this is what i feel.. even if we never share these memories with another.. we cherish them always.... to ourselves.. for they hold us and the person we are now.. strengthening, settling our lives as only love can.. because this is true and real and nothing can take away these memories.. but they will help us face life with a smile for we know we can never be alone when life gives us precious moments we should embrace them openly instead of worrying over them for before you know they might be over too.. 

that wayward tear as you spoke of  going away.. as true as the heart wishing you follow your dream..

silence trembling in heartbeats that breathe with hues of imagined  specters thoughts balking at images.. 

trust slips away so easily and we hurt and burn in our own  hell.. as if our heart would break and the person remains the same.. only we 'see' differently... 

living by rules and regulations robotic emotions conditioned channelized into cylindrical paths.. we cage ourselves even as we fight for animal rights.. instincts long suppressed..

Past lives

past lives or relationships.. do we have the insight to recognize as our subconscious naturally drifts towards another a bond of maybe lifetimes pulling the strings of our life today.. is this life an adventure a mystery yet to be solved.. as we unravel it one by one in each lifetime.. like  a costume party where you feel the person try to recognize and look beyond the masks.. 

that first look who was to know i was opening the door to meeting myself.. a quest i didn't even need reaching places and depths finding aspects of my nature so completely strange to me.. 

i wanted to be blessed just once with this feeling every bit as wonderful maybe more.. i touched the skies felt God unrestrained joy forgetting of self.. it was true it was real.. it's a mirage.. never to be.. 

Reach out

She wanted to reach out 

and heal any pain ever felt by him 

could only imagine 

and it hurt 

to feel the trauma 

of a son all alone 

Not knowing what made his hurt 

sting her eyes 

She could only feel deep respect and pride.. 

wishing she could've been there

for him each time he felt insecure or low.. Maybe momentarily.. 

wishing he knew this with deep conviction.. she was there forever for him.. and her.. concerned helpless.. yet wishing for him.. his dreams..  

silent always with quiet conviction fierce faith and pride an intense bond that makes her wonder yet rejoice.. 

Divine glow

a blessing.. a gift.. a wish maybe echoed in dreams 

unthinking unknown... 

elevated.. suffused in the divine glow amidst the sounds of serenity that God bestowed on me 

in the form of this smile 

and i felt it as the purity of this feeling.. 

These words right beside my own 

the only material thing perhaps 

so essentially shared 

and mean so much 

a rapport none could gauge 

a bond precious cherished simply felt.. a hand always there each moment the other is low.. 

supportive, steady, firm.. natural.. 

the melodious hush woven into words that makes your heart stop yet beat breathing music of life and true empathy..  

an expression of shared affection so deeply felt no eyes will ever see nor hands ever hold.. thoughts that can't be shared nor ever understood.. what can i gift to you who gave me such a special gift.. of your hand.. this is just a simple  sharing.. 

your gestures are so special they overwhelm me with their simplicity.. thank you

Dance to joy

amidst raindrops and thundering skies amidst traffic jams and blaring horns inane talk and merry laughter 

music within and without.. 

a need to dance to music to joy..

consumed with.. seeped in 

hearts full of impish teasing sunshine.. in a hushed moment he touched her heart... 

troubled she looks at him 

trying to comprehend his desire.. 

and sees the same dilemma reflected back.. 

never questioning what life has brought hearing only the voice of her heart.. 

so many phases beyond their control almost they moved.. fell... 

into this moment.. strange unfamiliar.. and yet nothing 

no precedent ever was.. 

this momentum 

walking on with just their senses guiding them.. 

an instinct that pulls beyond comprehension 

and hesitant 

conditioned 

they take that tentative step 

into a free fall 

exhilarating.. scary.. 

powerless to control 

they give in to that moment 

and realize how scared they've been 

to live life 

glimpsing it maybe 

for the first time.. 

Down or apart

if it is only the end result that is important what is this journey what meaning does it hold.. God loves me as his child my children love me as their mom.. God watches over me from above.. loves me as his child.. my parents support always behind me.. rock-like, constant, unshakeable.. my children always ahead hug me in enfolded warmth my brothers and sisters  and friends all around  me never let me go down.. my husband always with me forever in my heart.. so  many strengths within and without.. how could i ever fall down.. or apart.. 

Potent fragrances

i search in my heart for the truth of you, see only mindless love reflected inside.. you drive me crazy with the potency of your love.. 

why this fragrance of your love makes it so impossible to live within my Being and all i need is that hug a quiet manifestation of us that one moment captured a wayward tear.. 

suddenly everything feels strange.. and out of sync.. spinning into shadowy dimensions.. i am unable to decipher.. i always felt you knew what you were saying.. understood it.. 

i reach within myself looking for an essence finding a meaning and there is so much  strangeness and there is you.. 

my heart missed a beat as i felt something missing and almost in panic i thought of a promise unspoken i couldn't really keep... my smile keeps getting lost somewhere in thoughts of you.. the parrots keep complaining thoughts don't help them any.. they wanna think green and all they feel is blue.. and i can't help  smiling will someone tell this dopey guy what even the parrots realize hey, how could it ever be otherwise.. 

and i flew up for a handful of stars and dazzled the night sky instead.. 

you mock my concern.. shrug it off even.. i remember moments once tortured over thoughts of missing and absences yes you have strength and i commend that but this is the way i am and i love this softness in me.. no it's not a weakness to care deeply for another.. to reach out might mean to risk involvement but then only a person who risks is truly free..

you are my one strength in moments of undoing.. the one who makes me smile through my tears.. in this world of shadows and artificiality your hand is like a breath of fresh air.. a presence firm dependable honest and pure like fresh air.. 

take good care of yourself for me.. though you might be leaving a part of me is there with you.. the uplifting curve to your lips.. the hope in your heart.. the glow in your eyes.. the smile in your tears.. how could you be low.. when you have me as the satisfaction in your soul.. 

Disquiet and peace

dilemmas and smiles disquiet and peace.. hellos or goodbyes mirages in reality..

the questions  are so many no guarantees one can find.. for all our search for the pot of gold the beauty of the rainbow cannot be denied.. 

thoughts of you always bring on an involuntary  smile.. my heart was full my eyes brimming as i heard the notes please don't take my sunshine away dedicated imploring beseeching irrefutable speechless i searched as if for help and felt the smile in your heart.. 

these lines come to me as i tried to feel that feeling within me which as i touched it became a wish for your well being.. 

Love heroin

a shadow in my smile.. that tenderness in your voice.. something moves inside.. being teased with you.. serendipity.. you have broken some dam.. something i could never let go.. scared.. so scared of the intensity within.. laughing away gently chiding making light of words.. emotions.. never seeing that echoing depth in another's eyes.. then what made me hesitate at any need for words.. drowning in emotion.. no room  for any distance..not even words.. words that create space.. questions.. doubts.. reasoning..understanding.. and mindless i let go.. surrendering this self on wings of feeling..merging crumbling.. laughter and tears the oasis so long withheld for fear of hurtful mirages.. carefree.. exultant.. free.. 

i love .. i love myself.. i love us.. i love this feeling.. for it binds not.. you to me.. unchained my heart soars as each pore touched by shards of love dances in frenzied abandon.. on heartstrings that have  felt your touch and learnt to play.. crashing thunderous beats serenaded into pent-up release as i see the seasons in your eyes..  

it's a very strange reality to be faced with.. what makes the world go round.. it's like i've taken love heroin opened Pandora’s box.. mirror of my dream.. inexperienced heart.. a day that was going to change my life forever.. i won't tell anyone, myself sometimes, but i won't believe it.. happens in dreams, good dreams.. in the dream scenario i just change personality.. its amazing how you can speak right to my heart without saying a word.. you can light up the dark.. 

Memory snapshots

'merciless wail' of time in the head

in an increasingly callous world, we all exist with our own carapaces of scabbed over sensibilities

in the indifferent spaces of  your heart, you may even find room to dance again

lightly sunlight walked across the floor

drenched in this love we dance in total abandon surrendering our very souls to this cascade that touches every pore sensitizing the blood to dance in veins that throb on thundering beats fired with the lightning within..

i have ceased to exist as myself.. a new reborn the contentment in my heart only leaves an ache as any merging would hold.. for there is sheer excruciating joy even in  that.. 

the veils fall so fast gaining momentum one after the other.. and my soul drenched despairs of sunshine and ever feeling it.. on it's skin and with parched eyes i feel just a whiff of a cooling breeze as  your thought tantalizing drenches me again yet again.. 

falling free.. held in some gravitational spell i fly inexorably towards truths.. niches.. so many relations.. individual realities naively claiming to hold the essence of  this self that touching each slowly completes this puzzle.. softly moving into separate fresh dimensions.. disintegrating... forming.. moving a speck of dust touched by sunshine sparkling momentarily on the breath of the breeze.. 

Yardsticks

that spark of recognition  fades into strangeness as we hold on to memories familiar living breathing alive.. each moment we hurt another wall erects itself.. and we search for 'light' as we bury ourselves deeper and deeper.. 

you've looked so different always from that first moment i saw you.. carefree, teasing, confident now you make me proud and happy.. and yet that first moment my heart lurched as i looked into those eyes and forever lost my way.. 

i think of you smiling laughing.. real.. so familiar for in all your realities in all  your truths we hold a place that holds you.. sometimes i wonder at these missing moments distanced apart separate realities where neither exists.. 

all i wanna say is.. 'god bless you'.. never doubt yourself nor judge by another's yardstick.. only follow your heart... you have the right instincts let no one make you feel guilty for we all make mistakes.. 

Shadow dance

long short fat and thin.. it copies me in everything.. following me everywhere each and every shape we shape.. i try to hide jump so high still lake a naughty spy it copies everything i do.. everything i do it has to copy like a naughty little grey monkey it tails me front and back.. fooling me like a detective.. wearing disguises long and short.. it never lets me get lost.. the best friend i ever had you know is this my very own shadow.. 

Faces of The Moon

what makes the moon burn so with the waning light of the sun.. why clouds undulating move with bated breath and earth shrouded in dreams aches with longing what spell binds us all why this breeze  shivers across my skin as if in teasing answer.. why these stars seem to melt in my  heart beckoning whom.. how do i live with this whole cosmos tugging at me.. the first spray of water searing a name in this dewdrop of emotion in my eyes sparks reflects.. bathed in this peaceful glow i find our answer as reality merges into this orb of light.. 

this moon so full with it's aching glow beckons me as i desperately try to sleep reaching down and within.. mocking this missing this disquiet.. mirroring its glowing smile in these shadowy corners a palpable beauty no clouds could mar lost in its thirst for the sun and an assurance of being loved touched in every pore each following their path.. in this rhythmic love that asks no questions needs no answers just this pull this relation never wavering except a racing glow back and forth sometimes totally eclipsing sometimes so full.. a cosmic answer to this need to possess to hold.. bounds of conditions.. and we look back and the picture remains unchanged.. only the reflection.. 

the clouds rush past in manic frenzy as the moon unconcerned stands bright and pregnant and smiling a silent lesson to all who cry and scream and crib for the trouble, these clouds take their own path no matter what as we continue to struggle in vain.. 

Familiar hues

our souls are like a body that we mould every moment, so many hands helping, changing, sometimes enhancing, distorting.. and we work with those lines, shaping ourselves into this 'being'.. beautiful or ugly not the word for it.. just a unique creation, untutored.. following no norms..no style... uncoached.. except the 'choices' to continue with the distortions or improve on them.. brush strokes that cannot be erased..colors that each fills his own.. hues so many..merging  into that one person.. till saturated he slips into another dimension.  another mould.. clear sheet fresh start.. sketching an outline... familiar hues that we need to recollect.. hues we need to discover yet..

Raw inside

 someone once told me words are made by man  emotions by God.. and so they fall way short of capturing what is inside.. but all i know is it's a human touch i felt that made me feel God.. realize his presence.. 

did the world shrink into you or you grew to be my world..

there's a hush there's a feeling.. i miss you written across the sands.. maybe the waves take away the words.. maybe the words fall short of the feeling but what is inside remains nothing can take away except you, your smile filling up all the empty spaces within.. with pure joy just your presence is all i need to stifle the echoes of this teasing haunting beauty which leave me feeling raw inside.. 

so many thing i want to say to you, and yet somewhere i feel words just make for a deeper intensity..

these clouds so thick cover the sky of our lives.. winds of fate chase them away mocking their temerity.. 

one  day you'll break the bonds holding you back.. reveal your heart speak to me.. i know you don't lack the words but the trust has to come naturally.. 

Empty spaces

 this moon pregnantly full with it's pure light.. spilling over enters my heart that is ready to burst with uncontained  need.. for miles it chases relentlessly mirroring these thoughts i need to escape.. step into this home you have made in my heart.. 

strangeness familiarity reasons question unasked unnecessary acceptance encompassing friendship cherished precious living breathing heartfelt reaching touching feeling content happy one

shattered forgiveness ineffectual incomplete wrenched from desensitized empty spaces defenseless hurting adrift.. 

i have felt the fragrance in his heart palpable moving towards that one moment when divinity softly enters his heart as that touch waking eyes starved of sleep soothing years of bitter remorse in this one realization today his heart came home to him..

a storm raging within this calm a desperate attempt to contain this fragmentation tearing at an inner self.. waves surging in proud defiance again and again and again .. hitting falling apart rising yet again to meet   these hurdles  immutable unnerving.. the will to live to move on breaking any chains wearing thin slowly imperceptibly smoothing these insurmountable barriers.. exulting in that one breath that floods into another