Dance to joy

amidst raindrops and thundering skies amidst traffic jams and blaring horns inane talk and merry laughter 

music within and without.. 

a need to dance to music to joy..

consumed with.. seeped in 

hearts full of impish teasing sunshine.. in a hushed moment he touched her heart... 

troubled she looks at him 

trying to comprehend his desire.. 

and sees the same dilemma reflected back.. 

never questioning what life has brought hearing only the voice of her heart.. 

so many phases beyond their control almost they moved.. fell... 

into this moment.. strange unfamiliar.. and yet nothing 

no precedent ever was.. 

this momentum 

walking on with just their senses guiding them.. 

an instinct that pulls beyond comprehension 

and hesitant 

conditioned 

they take that tentative step 

into a free fall 

exhilarating.. scary.. 

powerless to control 

they give in to that moment 

and realize how scared they've been 

to live life 

glimpsing it maybe 

for the first time.. 

Down or apart

if it is only the end result that is important what is this journey what meaning does it hold.. God loves me as his child my children love me as their mom.. God watches over me from above.. loves me as his child.. my parents support always behind me.. rock-like, constant, unshakeable.. my children always ahead hug me in enfolded warmth my brothers and sisters  and friends all around  me never let me go down.. my husband always with me forever in my heart.. so  many strengths within and without.. how could i ever fall down.. or apart.. 

Potent fragrances

i search in my heart for the truth of you, see only mindless love reflected inside.. you drive me crazy with the potency of your love.. 

why this fragrance of your love makes it so impossible to live within my Being and all i need is that hug a quiet manifestation of us that one moment captured a wayward tear.. 

suddenly everything feels strange.. and out of sync.. spinning into shadowy dimensions.. i am unable to decipher.. i always felt you knew what you were saying.. understood it.. 

i reach within myself looking for an essence finding a meaning and there is so much  strangeness and there is you.. 

my heart missed a beat as i felt something missing and almost in panic i thought of a promise unspoken i couldn't really keep... my smile keeps getting lost somewhere in thoughts of you.. the parrots keep complaining thoughts don't help them any.. they wanna think green and all they feel is blue.. and i can't help  smiling will someone tell this dopey guy what even the parrots realize hey, how could it ever be otherwise.. 

and i flew up for a handful of stars and dazzled the night sky instead.. 

you mock my concern.. shrug it off even.. i remember moments once tortured over thoughts of missing and absences yes you have strength and i commend that but this is the way i am and i love this softness in me.. no it's not a weakness to care deeply for another.. to reach out might mean to risk involvement but then only a person who risks is truly free..

you are my one strength in moments of undoing.. the one who makes me smile through my tears.. in this world of shadows and artificiality your hand is like a breath of fresh air.. a presence firm dependable honest and pure like fresh air.. 

take good care of yourself for me.. though you might be leaving a part of me is there with you.. the uplifting curve to your lips.. the hope in your heart.. the glow in your eyes.. the smile in your tears.. how could you be low.. when you have me as the satisfaction in your soul.. 

Disquiet and peace

dilemmas and smiles disquiet and peace.. hellos or goodbyes mirages in reality..

the questions  are so many no guarantees one can find.. for all our search for the pot of gold the beauty of the rainbow cannot be denied.. 

thoughts of you always bring on an involuntary  smile.. my heart was full my eyes brimming as i heard the notes please don't take my sunshine away dedicated imploring beseeching irrefutable speechless i searched as if for help and felt the smile in your heart.. 

these lines come to me as i tried to feel that feeling within me which as i touched it became a wish for your well being.. 

Love heroin

a shadow in my smile.. that tenderness in your voice.. something moves inside.. being teased with you.. serendipity.. you have broken some dam.. something i could never let go.. scared.. so scared of the intensity within.. laughing away gently chiding making light of words.. emotions.. never seeing that echoing depth in another's eyes.. then what made me hesitate at any need for words.. drowning in emotion.. no room  for any distance..not even words.. words that create space.. questions.. doubts.. reasoning..understanding.. and mindless i let go.. surrendering this self on wings of feeling..merging crumbling.. laughter and tears the oasis so long withheld for fear of hurtful mirages.. carefree.. exultant.. free.. 

i love .. i love myself.. i love us.. i love this feeling.. for it binds not.. you to me.. unchained my heart soars as each pore touched by shards of love dances in frenzied abandon.. on heartstrings that have  felt your touch and learnt to play.. crashing thunderous beats serenaded into pent-up release as i see the seasons in your eyes..  

it's a very strange reality to be faced with.. what makes the world go round.. it's like i've taken love heroin opened Pandora’s box.. mirror of my dream.. inexperienced heart.. a day that was going to change my life forever.. i won't tell anyone, myself sometimes, but i won't believe it.. happens in dreams, good dreams.. in the dream scenario i just change personality.. its amazing how you can speak right to my heart without saying a word.. you can light up the dark.. 

Memory snapshots

'merciless wail' of time in the head

in an increasingly callous world, we all exist with our own carapaces of scabbed over sensibilities

in the indifferent spaces of  your heart, you may even find room to dance again

lightly sunlight walked across the floor

drenched in this love we dance in total abandon surrendering our very souls to this cascade that touches every pore sensitizing the blood to dance in veins that throb on thundering beats fired with the lightning within..

i have ceased to exist as myself.. a new reborn the contentment in my heart only leaves an ache as any merging would hold.. for there is sheer excruciating joy even in  that.. 

the veils fall so fast gaining momentum one after the other.. and my soul drenched despairs of sunshine and ever feeling it.. on it's skin and with parched eyes i feel just a whiff of a cooling breeze as  your thought tantalizing drenches me again yet again.. 

falling free.. held in some gravitational spell i fly inexorably towards truths.. niches.. so many relations.. individual realities naively claiming to hold the essence of  this self that touching each slowly completes this puzzle.. softly moving into separate fresh dimensions.. disintegrating... forming.. moving a speck of dust touched by sunshine sparkling momentarily on the breath of the breeze.. 

Yardsticks

that spark of recognition  fades into strangeness as we hold on to memories familiar living breathing alive.. each moment we hurt another wall erects itself.. and we search for 'light' as we bury ourselves deeper and deeper.. 

you've looked so different always from that first moment i saw you.. carefree, teasing, confident now you make me proud and happy.. and yet that first moment my heart lurched as i looked into those eyes and forever lost my way.. 

i think of you smiling laughing.. real.. so familiar for in all your realities in all  your truths we hold a place that holds you.. sometimes i wonder at these missing moments distanced apart separate realities where neither exists.. 

all i wanna say is.. 'god bless you'.. never doubt yourself nor judge by another's yardstick.. only follow your heart... you have the right instincts let no one make you feel guilty for we all make mistakes.. 

Shadow dance

long short fat and thin.. it copies me in everything.. following me everywhere each and every shape we shape.. i try to hide jump so high still lake a naughty spy it copies everything i do.. everything i do it has to copy like a naughty little grey monkey it tails me front and back.. fooling me like a detective.. wearing disguises long and short.. it never lets me get lost.. the best friend i ever had you know is this my very own shadow.. 

Faces of The Moon

what makes the moon burn so with the waning light of the sun.. why clouds undulating move with bated breath and earth shrouded in dreams aches with longing what spell binds us all why this breeze  shivers across my skin as if in teasing answer.. why these stars seem to melt in my  heart beckoning whom.. how do i live with this whole cosmos tugging at me.. the first spray of water searing a name in this dewdrop of emotion in my eyes sparks reflects.. bathed in this peaceful glow i find our answer as reality merges into this orb of light.. 

this moon so full with it's aching glow beckons me as i desperately try to sleep reaching down and within.. mocking this missing this disquiet.. mirroring its glowing smile in these shadowy corners a palpable beauty no clouds could mar lost in its thirst for the sun and an assurance of being loved touched in every pore each following their path.. in this rhythmic love that asks no questions needs no answers just this pull this relation never wavering except a racing glow back and forth sometimes totally eclipsing sometimes so full.. a cosmic answer to this need to possess to hold.. bounds of conditions.. and we look back and the picture remains unchanged.. only the reflection.. 

the clouds rush past in manic frenzy as the moon unconcerned stands bright and pregnant and smiling a silent lesson to all who cry and scream and crib for the trouble, these clouds take their own path no matter what as we continue to struggle in vain.. 

Familiar hues

our souls are like a body that we mould every moment, so many hands helping, changing, sometimes enhancing, distorting.. and we work with those lines, shaping ourselves into this 'being'.. beautiful or ugly not the word for it.. just a unique creation, untutored.. following no norms..no style... uncoached.. except the 'choices' to continue with the distortions or improve on them.. brush strokes that cannot be erased..colors that each fills his own.. hues so many..merging  into that one person.. till saturated he slips into another dimension.  another mould.. clear sheet fresh start.. sketching an outline... familiar hues that we need to recollect.. hues we need to discover yet..

Raw inside

 someone once told me words are made by man  emotions by God.. and so they fall way short of capturing what is inside.. but all i know is it's a human touch i felt that made me feel God.. realize his presence.. 

did the world shrink into you or you grew to be my world..

there's a hush there's a feeling.. i miss you written across the sands.. maybe the waves take away the words.. maybe the words fall short of the feeling but what is inside remains nothing can take away except you, your smile filling up all the empty spaces within.. with pure joy just your presence is all i need to stifle the echoes of this teasing haunting beauty which leave me feeling raw inside.. 

so many thing i want to say to you, and yet somewhere i feel words just make for a deeper intensity..

these clouds so thick cover the sky of our lives.. winds of fate chase them away mocking their temerity.. 

one  day you'll break the bonds holding you back.. reveal your heart speak to me.. i know you don't lack the words but the trust has to come naturally.. 

Empty spaces

 this moon pregnantly full with it's pure light.. spilling over enters my heart that is ready to burst with uncontained  need.. for miles it chases relentlessly mirroring these thoughts i need to escape.. step into this home you have made in my heart.. 

strangeness familiarity reasons question unasked unnecessary acceptance encompassing friendship cherished precious living breathing heartfelt reaching touching feeling content happy one

shattered forgiveness ineffectual incomplete wrenched from desensitized empty spaces defenseless hurting adrift.. 

i have felt the fragrance in his heart palpable moving towards that one moment when divinity softly enters his heart as that touch waking eyes starved of sleep soothing years of bitter remorse in this one realization today his heart came home to him..

a storm raging within this calm a desperate attempt to contain this fragmentation tearing at an inner self.. waves surging in proud defiance again and again and again .. hitting falling apart rising yet again to meet   these hurdles  immutable unnerving.. the will to live to move on breaking any chains wearing thin slowly imperceptibly smoothing these insurmountable barriers.. exulting in that one breath that floods into another 

Moved within us

 for the first time i don't want to write.. just drown  in this hush and not touch it.. it is impossible to do  so.. unmatched, the feeling envelops you in this  wondrous hush.. the realization of something very special taking place, a moment that happens maybe once in a lifetime, which cant be touched, put into words, just felt shared experienced.. no i don't want to talk maybe the world blinked maybe not.. but something moved within us.. a knowledge of lifetimes.. where you look in the mirror and actually see.. where your soul  feels recognized, touched .. you want to say so much and say nothing.. i like to savor the Joy of every moment but this this is special i don't want to come out of it.. just hold it to me not utter a word.. form a thought or even breathe.. it can only be felt.. else would fall way short of the feeling.. i am so glad for you.. can't stop the thanking.. caging into words, thoughts that want to fly free.. i've been touched by an angel and feel the glow within me.. suffused with the light of wonder  and joy, the presence of an exceptional human being.. 

Rest all gift-wrapping

everything we have in life then what is always missing why each dream only beautiful till we achieve it knowing god is here within our souls.. why do we feel inadequate incomplete.. 

silently he sits there enjoying the roller coaster ride in every heart the vast sea collapsing into myriad drops thirsting to soak the human touch playing hide and seek with minds in wide eyed fascination he tugs and beats to a divine Morse code.. 

every eye  holds a weary  glimpse.. every eye needs to look away.. clutching at spiritual assurance we try to make sense of life.. 

no one knows if God exists.. still our faith is strong.. and our disillusionment.. why would it be any different for another human being.. it's not the 'other' person who changes.. its our heart.. our faith and our love that suffers at  the hand of our own demons.. for love and faith in oneself is the only true answer.. the rest all gift-wrapping.. 

What am i doing here

we live in not one but myriad tiny worlds exclusive to our surrounding existence.. enmeshed with conditioning.. holding seamless hues forming a singular Being.. my stricken heart sometimes glimpses the churning whirlpool of emotions and feelings and goes real still.. desperately needing to shut out the noise.. and  we live with it.. we move with it.. every moment of our lives.. unable ever to unravel the essential rush.. the need to hoard.. the gift of life.. our true mind asleep somewhere as we clamor through these dream mazes holding the key to awaken.. ask yourself just one question.. what am i doing here..