Love is the most naturally contagious magic woven into the fabric of relationships!
Birds happily chirp amidst free falls and flying antics.. Playfully showing off or racing each other freely across the skies.. The parrots scream the loudest aping us.. Deserving show-offs, with those dazzling stunning designer shades of green and shaming the brightest lipstick colors of red.. Crows and ravens just might be the bird police in disguise.. Keeping an eye on everything and everyone around.. Ignored…. Dismissive.. And shunned.. The pigeons and the sparrows suitably camouflaged.. Former harbingers of peace.. And fed so openly in droves as such. And the latter, babies of the family, flitter around hopping here and there.. Cutely part of the scenery, but never a part of adult affairs.. The mynah and cuckoo rarely seen, make their presence felt with ethereally plaintive love songs painfully soothing uplifting joyous.
My friend’s son passed away, and she wanted to know why, what does this mean… Just sent a msg of consolation to an inconsolable emotion… Really feel empty and desolate right now… Trying desperately to seek solace in nature… In its calm cyclic acceptance… And constant stalwart dignity and beauty… Freely giving of itself… Without judgment, hurt, criticism, pride, vanity, or ridicule…
Is this what meditation aspires to… Fear and faith—are these the two words that hold the key to life… Our fears prey on us… Blinding us to every other truth… Our fears never change the outcome of a given situation, instead create myriad future health issues… ‘In this moment I have everything’… That is all we need to see… The meaning of life eludes everyone… Except the ones who can ‘see’… They too are unable to gift-wrap the answers… For expecting some huge resolution to a phenomenal mystery, the simple answers explained escape unnoticed… An answer each needs to seek within themselves… Being unique faces of God at play, each needs to quench His illusive dream-thirst for being ‘human’ experientially… Till ready to awaken into divine singular omni-reality…
Without specs, one only sees blurred images… And sometimes I wonder, what if we could take off the conditioned lenses in our minds and once again see the world as an unclear picture with undefined lines… Needing personal clarity… And unique outlines… Foraying, discovering uncharted paths—whether outside or inside… Without the clouds, who would play hide and seek with the moon…
There is something about the fluid movement of the waves… Rhythmic… Gliding… Smooth rise and fall… Breathing… Alive… A minuscule sheen lit up with the froth of exertion, reflecting unaware lights here and there… Moving, lurching my soul in an echoing sound at once tranquil and soothing… Alluring and beckoning… The sky lightening with huge crowds of unbroken clouds… And I realize the power of white… Defying this dark night into visible waves of light and a pearly night sky…
Today again, I realize life is really fleeting, and our minds desperately need to be harnessed and de-cluttered… For in this present moment, our eternity resides… To ignore, skip, and leap into the future only lands us painfully lost…
Slept at about 1:30 last night and got up around 8. Did not greet the dawn. We are so rushed in doing the mundane in our life that we miss out on all the precious soul-quenchers that God has freely left around for us. Still, we look up and crib… complain… never once thanking Him for giving us so much… in such heart-refreshing ways… not just around us but within us too… and our bodies… faculties… health… so much taken for granted till the day it is slipping out of our hands… gaining import as such.
Tried to sort out things for a friend. It really hurts if kids answer back or question, but our hurt is never lost on them too… and takes its toll on them. We too need to understand their problems, and instead of sitting with our hurt and anger, try explaining where they are going wrong. After all, who needs their happiness at any cost except us? And we can’t give up on them so easily. Read recently that parents are the last people to know what is happening in their kids’ lives. Such a sad fact that is… for whether it is to avoid hurting them… or freaking them out… kids do hesitate before sharing in a carefree manner. We need to stop being a mere parent and find that strength within us to let them make their own mistakes and learn from them—only cautioning, not stopping them completely from doing something.
On our way back, the car kept stalling everywhere. So each time we had to push the car. And what I realized once again, in waves of heartening faith, is how deep is our need to help in time of distress. Really natural… integral… instant. For every person we requested readily agreed to push the car—despite getting wet in the light drizzle that had started, or the strong heat before that.
Last went to supermarket, got really drenched. Yippee! First rains and I got to have a bath! So much we had looked forward to the rains… but when it does rain, why don’t we raise our heads to feel the droplets on our face? Embracing the rain instead of looking down, shrinking into ourselves, and running for shelter. But the joy is still there… the smile… the fragrance of damp clay… intoxicating our senses.
Today, got up to greet the dawn.. Embrace it with joy.. the day was filled with snippets of life happening in moments that we take for granted, ignorantly labelled as routine or mundane, even boring. The pendulum of Time crashing against moments going berserk in their rush, and bored in their passing. Will have a coffee before sleeping.. Life is in its moments.. And we need to live them.. Really completely live them..
The movie, jawaani hai deewani, depicted being torn between following your dreams and setting down roots.. Love the changing thought processes of youngsters portrayed in movies like this.. Which speak of responsibility and focus going hand in hand with the pure crazy fun of youth.. If you love someone you should be able to let them go.. Loving is not synonymous with possession.. It just is complete in itself.. And should be deep enough to be happy in each others joys.. We all believe loving means to hold on.. But it also needs to let go sometimes.. Ranbir Kapur seems to have such deep sadness in his heart..
Today got up real early and greeted embraced the dawn ineffectually.. Head is still heavy so cant really look up at the sky due to nausea.. But the bird sounds are so distinctively clear and mesmeric.. Can distinguish between the crows and sparrows and parrots and mynahs too.. Was reading in the inferno how in Venice, because they have no traffic sounds, the birds can be heard so clearly and beautifully..
Weather is still awesome.. The sun barely coming out in the past few days.. Has started to drizzle again.. The sea a dark grey and clouds heavy.. Bursting almost.. Its pouring now.. They just could not hold on any more.. Can here the soft pitter patter of the rain with intermittent sounds coming in waves of downpour.. A strong cool breeze playing with raindrops.. Swinging them around in glee.. An aural feast i realize as i close my eyes today..
sat in the window for some time.. It was beautiful outside.. The parrots racing each other with loud screams of glee.. Birds literally gliding over the cool breeze rejoicing in the weather too.. The sea was at once calm and choppy.. Waves rocking the fishing boats to and fro.. Beautiful ripples forming over the calm sea.. In unique synchronic designs.. Those were real uplifting and heady moments neither wanted to end..
Seems like there is so much to do and so little time to do it.. My friend keeps wondering how i appear so calm and unflustered.. I dont know if thats the truth or a facade myself.. Keep trying to fight the urge to hurry or worry or despair.. Knowing somewhere deep down everything will work out as we have wanted it to.. And no amount of fretting can change that.. Keep trying to enjoy the journey instead of focusing only on the destination..
Need to listen to music more.. Sing more.. Dance.. my body seems to have a rhythm and beat all its own and every pore responds to it confounding me completely as to following any steps:) i love to dance.. And i love to sing.. And laugh.. I could laugh for no reason at all..
What happens as we grow older.. Does the inner music fade.. For our heartbeats desperately need those steady notes.. To keep the tempo right.. In sync with the rhythm and the melody nature strings for us.. So our souls can dance to a perpetual high.. Enough to lose ourselves.. Enough to transcend.. Enough to find ourselves.. Enough to be.. One.. With the cosmos.. With divinity.. With one and all..
my kids came to wish goodnight and make sure i was okay.. And though i was writing.. I really am trying to give up whatever i am doing in such moments and be exclusively there for them..
Today, got up at 4.30, wanted to greet the dawn in quiet peace.. Embraced the day and the elements.. Really cool breeze was there.. And dawn's pale light spread across the cloud-blanketed sky.. Almost like pearly moonlight.. Its a beautiful sight.. The slow, real slow changing hues across the skies.. And the bird sounds muted through the trees and slowly louder and louder as they spread their wings to streak across the sky playfully.. You can even hear their wings flap at that hour.. Eagles soaring real high regally.. A few doves flying proudly.. Crows impatiently calling everyone awake.. A veritable population explosion of birds as they all stretch out their wings.. Soaring diving gliding circling floating even speeding.. It was a beautiful array, rarely seen or noticed.. Can still hear the birds.. Almost makes me want to hear, understand and talk to them.. Fly with them.. Soar with them.. Feed them.. Shelter and protect them.. Within their free environment..
It had been pouring the whole day.. Everything looked so clean freshly washed.. Purified almost.. Maybe due to a strange clarity in the evening sky.. The breeze unimaginably cool and intoxicating.. Compelling beckoning to a love affair with the elements..
Tried sorting my phone and ipad.. Phenomenal job it seems.. Has been beautiful outside whole day.. The distance between Parents and children is but a step away, provided one of them takes it.. Else it becomes insurmountable over time.. Initially parents need to take that step in order to teach by example.. We keep blaming the generation gap.. Why cant we just accept that everyone gets to be on both sides of this gap at some point.. And enjoy the childish immaturity of our youth and the maturity to understand the difference now.. It is definitely love and protectiveness that enhances the gap.. And in really rare cases possessiveness or selfishness.. Our children understand more than we can ever comprehend.. And what with the yawning age differences today.. Probably better equipped to handle crises situations too.. Even as we see ourselves easily fall apart sometimes..
Its a strange peculiarity in our system.. Expectation.. That we need appreciation and gratitude for everything we do.. And quite a lot of our recriminations stem from that.. A usual litany, 'we did so much for you' .. But why do so much that you handicap the other person emotionally, mentally, physically and in every way possible.. Teaching them to take people for granted.. Getting everything on a platter.. Just makes them spoilt, petulant and disgruntled when things dont go their way.. And the first finger points at you.. They become selfish because thats how we let them see the world.. By making everything about them in ours.. I think every parent owes it to the other to inculcate respect for each other.. Asking a child to make sure of the others well- being..
Today got up early and made kahwa.. Fed the crows.. Did yoga second day routine.. Went for yoga class.. Finished reluctant fundamentalist.. A discussable book in the sense that it is topical.. Didnt like the style of writing..
A friend called for suggestion on write up for DIL’s bday.. Another called for lunch invite.. My son surprised me with idlis.. Such a heart tugging gesture.. Made me really happy.. The little things in life are the ones that satiate our soul stringing a symphony over heartbeats and smiles.. rolling laughter.. dancing eyes.. a joyous crescendo reverberating satiating our soul..
Have been intermittent rains whole day.. There is this constant need to embrace the whole world.. Need to start with my family.. Words of acknowledgment.. Words of praise.. A simple hug.. Anything that says, i love you.. Why do we do this.. Why do we look outside for satiating our soul..And our near and dear ones go unnoticed.. Is it about 'looking good' i wonder.. Or a bigger circle of praise.. Finding our family as a part of us.. We limit special gestures to special occasions.. Dismissive.. Embroiled in the mundane.. Focusing all our attention on formalities.. Family name.. Fronts.. thus remaining as empty shells..
Its a nice sunny day.. The heat is really strong, the sun impossible to look in the eye even though its barely 8 in the morning.. Am not feeling so good because told the Maid off this morning.. For incessantly keeping her bucket, broom etc between the rooms despite telling her not to for the kids get disturbed while sleeping.. but she just wont do so.. Really need to JUST SAY THINGS not get upset because it leaves a deep disquiet always.. Be it anybody..
Left for office and tried to find some online word program.. Typed out all the written poems i had, took a break for lunch.. Then started chatting.. She seemed disturbed.. REALLY NEED TO LISTEN WITH COMPLETE ATTENTION AND INTEREST.. Has been so lately.. Wants to start something on her own.. And we tried sounding off ideas about it.. Then she went to her cabin and i finished my work..
We left for home, and at home i sorted my room, the house.. Finished yoga.. Opened all the windows.. It is So beautiful outside.. The flowers vibrant splashes of color that light up.. Uplift my heart each time.. The breeze romancing my skin.. The sea beckoning with its vast embrace.. the birds incessantly frolicking making teasing sounds of incomprehensive mirth.. and the sky.. blue so blue.. dazzling with muted light as clouds form cottony patterns of constantly changing designs.. and i smile eyes vying wih my heart to imbibe this ethereal gift nature bestows afresh..
Have just finished work for the day.. And i need to sleep too.. Its a beautiful night with wisps of cloud here and there.. There is a rushed disquiet right now.. Need to ACCEPT & RELAX for worrying just doesn't change anything, except giving me ulcers and grey hair;) so i need to listen, accept and relax.. Instruct clearly and firmly without shouting or blaming.. Stop reacting immediately.. Hug my kids morning and night, welcome them always with a smile.. Never hurry if they need to talk.. Leave everything to listen to them first.. And start walking.. Spend some time at sea side or at the window or terrace.. Goodnight! Slept really late.. Around 1.30 after having mango icecream..
Am sitting here suspended in the balcony.. for the touch of this breeze.. cool.. alluring.. beguiling.. and a little bit of sunshine.. touching.. kissing.. every pore.. every breath.. today i speak of anger.. why do we get angry.. firstly i think its because we are not in control of ourselves.. then of the situation.. mostly i see when we get angry its not really about the issue at hand.. but something else that is troubling us makes us lash out at something or someone innocent.. and we never resolve the matter because we never understand or try to know what was behind that fit of anger.. but every disquiet forms a chain of frustrations that we tie ourselves in tighter and tighter and it breaks in a spurt of screaming.. and show of strength.. we all try to control anger when we just need to let go of it..
The ethereal song of a cuckoo wakes me to share this beautiful morning.. And i see a pigeon craning its neck around in speedy succession.. Not wanting to miss even a flicker of the divine architecture in the sky.. Even as i ineffectually try to share the experience through its eyes.. Watching in awe the changing colours of light race each other.. with flocks of birds trying to keep up.. sailing the wind in exhilarating dives.. Preening winged Children at play.. Carefree.. Ecstatic.. Chased closely by the parrots screaming in competitive excitement and cheer..
Woke up to slivers of moonlight quietly surfing on waves forming a tempo of peace.. Joining hands.. melting into a dawn that streaks across the sky forming pockets of light.. Igniting patterns that spark echoes of awe and wonder at these stupendous brush strokes.. Hoards of Dark clouds crowd around.. Rushing to glimpse or hide.. Forming possessive walls of security.. While The breeze dances over the sea in rings of touched abandon.. A choir of birds joyously keeping pace with equal release..
Its dusk now and the clouds seem to be racing home as if In nostalgic need to reach the city outlined so beautifully by the rose and blue in the sky.. A lone star seemingly their lighthouse.. Beckoning in spurts of alluring joy.. And the birds cheer in half asleep contented trill.
