Mysteries and magic

got up at 4.45 only.. i have so many resolutions in my mind.. still searching for that strength to rise above the mundane.. to respond instead of reacting.. to listen more than talk.. to have compassion for everything and everyone.. to comprehend none of this is real.. to know we are all one.. to accept our legacy.. to start walking home.. to have happiness in my heart.. how have i let myself be so weak as to be buffeted with the winds of every moment.. not even trying to hold on or help myself.. cursing, blaming everything around for not helping.. i have all the solutions.. and all the right answers.. just need to pick up a pen and start writing.. it is sheer laziness preventing me from checking myself.. for that frown.. for that rare laugh.. for the love and peace of my family.. myself.. and i continue to walk in this way.. contemptuous of myself yet.. not trying hard enough to find the peaceful joyous loving sanctity in my heart.. its 6.45am and i cant help but write again.. saw the image of a rose in the sky.. an angel bowing in greeting or worship.. and a lying buddha with his whole body glowing with ethereal light.. saw the clouds far to the west, way before i could see the sun come up.. some volcanic.. fiery.. blushing.. diffused.. its like god dancing across the sky holding a brush in his hand.. the clouds in the east slowly lit up.. blushing at the seams.. and now i see the sun just a deep strawberry line.. then two.. then three.. as the clouds ineffectually try to contain it within their folds.. the sun almost taking on the shape of a ship sailing in the sky.. and now a majestic whale.. and now a globe with the political outline of the world.. and now a physical one.. a bowl that glows with mysteries and magic.. mere specks of light.. defying imagination into just three dots.. invisible to the eye.. spreading a pearly sheen all across the sky.. it slowly rises again in the shape of a sea horse.. and now the full glowing burning orb of light.. your eyes shut in deference..