Frissons of Emotion

 

THESE TINY WHORLS OVER THE SEA LIKE INVOLUNTARY FRISSONS OF EMOTION CAUSED BY FLEETING TOUCHES OF THE WIND. THESE BIRDS SITTING AROUND IN SHARED COMPANIONSHIP REJOICING IN THE MOMENT.. SIPPING TINY DROPS OF WATER ON THE GROUND.. THE RAIN LEAVING A WET SPARKLING SHEEN EVERYWHERE, DROPS OF WATER CLINGING TO THE GLASS IN MYRIAD DESIGNS VYING FOR NOTHING BUT TO REALISE THEIR OWN IDENTITY, REFLECTING VARYING TRUTHS WITHIN EACH EYE..

Today, got up around 7.. Greeted the day with a wide embrace and smile.. Accepting this phenomenal gift our senses are unable to hold all at once.. 

Was reading a few pages of the book 'fakir' and he says that we always have masters and guides around us.. And we should acknowledge their presence.. Always.. By quiet offerings of everything we have.. That we can never be lonely or alone.. Someone is always looking out for us.. So much love! Such care! 

We gift our kids houses and toys and food and clothes etc.. But look at these gifts of nature.. Fresh.. Unique.. Heart-warming.. Uplifting.. And these masters.. Silent hands helping.. unknown.. And still we are scared.. And still we are alone.. 

My friend called to say bye since she was leaving.. Told me about some snack as food for crows.. To feed them everyday same time so they get used to coming.. Its really strange that here i write about crows being ignored and i come to know that shops actually sell food for crows!.. She also asked to feed the ants a mixture of sugar and flour dry.. to mix, fill in bottle and sprinkle a pinch of it outside every day.. 

Its still not raining.. The sky a clear blue.. How clear the sounds of birds in the morning hours, and during the day traffic sounds drown out everything else.. Can still hear intermittent chirps.. And so want to train my ears to drown out the traffic sounds instead.. Who teaches these birds anything.. They have to spread their own wings and learn to fly.. Sensing the weather.. Any danger.. Building shelter.. Knowing the directions they need to fly seasonally.. Would we too understand and sense much more if we could shut out the noise.. Do we all come naturally equipped with the sense and ability to survive.. Look at all these birds insects and animals.. Never needing to wear clothes whatever the season..

Prayer and Faith

 

Prayer and faith are but means to unveiling the divinity inside..

Sensual Opera

 

The ripples have intensified. Fluid patterns awaiting, embracing the seamless drizzle wordlessly lost in this mating dance. To a pulsing music beating soundlessly within. The clouds thumping like beating drums, As if in celebration of this homecoming- The sea-rising in waves of gratitude.. And smiling froth. The cool breeze unveiling for this joyous occasion. Running free and amok. With its invitation to one and all. A sensual opera thats free magical and intoxicating.

The weather is awesome.. Sky really overcast with huge clusters of pigeons on the terrace across from us.. Drinking the little collected water there.. Sea a deep grey.. Softly rippling waves trembling across its expanse as if at once impatient and excited to dance with the impending drops soon to reach home.. Feels like a hill station right here right now.. 

I wonder sometimes why we need to get away from time to time.. Even though it is to the same places.. Is it the weather.. Or break from routine.. Relaxation.. Or just escapism.. Cant we break the conditioning and have a similar holiday at home.. The day the weather is beautiful.. Take it as a holiday.. Go on a long drive.. Have relaxing prolonged tea watching the rain.. Have dinner in the balcony amidst lamps or candles.. Or a picnic on the terrace.. Watch movies.. Play games.. Do sight seeing or shopping.. Rediscover the place you live in.. After all the weekend destinations are also the same each time.. Why is This conditioning so hard to break.. 

We had kahwa and left for friends.. Had drinks.. Danced.. Returned home around 1.30.. Now will be sleeping.. It took us almost more than 2 hrs to reach their house.. But the weather was stupendous.. Really overcast with a light drizzle.. The sea a dark crestfallen grey.. As if unable to wait anymore for that torrential cascade.. And the sky vying between shades of indigo and blue.. Flitting hues of indecision.. And bittersweet parting.. Could not sleep so came out to read inferno and slept out only for a couple of hrs and got up and started reading inferno again..

Illusory Life

This acute shattering Of a self that seems to Splinter Into numb shards Buried deep so deep In cocooned vacuum.

That rare fleeting touch Of oneness. So palpable.. Like rays of sunshine dancing Over the sea in shimmery slivers Of aching, fluid, refracting, self

What hurts more. The ache Or the limbo. As Time jumps Between pockets of urgency and lethargy.. Mocking the cognition of its passage In an Illusory life!

Fakir

 

Was reading a few pages of the book "fakir' and he says that we always have masters and guides around us.. And we should acknowledge their presence. Always. By quiet offerings of everything we have.. That we can never be lonely or alone.. Someone is always looking out for us... So much love! Such care! We gift our kids houses and toys and food and clothes etc.. But look at these gifts of nature.. Fresh. Unique.. Heart-Warming.. Uplifting.. and these masters, Silent hands helping.. unknown. And still we are scared.. And still we are alone..

Define Life

 

Peaceful, Serene, Ugly, Beautiful, Happy, Angry, Content, Lonely. We choose to define our own life!

Fabric of Relationships

 

Love is the most naturally contagious magic woven into the fabric of relationships!

Fixate Fatefully

 

A PATH STREWN WITH FLOWERS OR FILLED WITH OBSTACLES.. OUR MiNDS FIXATE FATEFULLY

Healing

 

If we could only imbibe the healing beauty of the journey!

Adult Affairs

 

Birds happily chirp amidst free falls and flying antics.. Playfully showing off or racing each other freely across the skies.. The parrots scream the loudest aping us.. Deserving show-offs, with those dazzling stunning designer shades of green and shaming the brightest lipstick colors of red.. Crows and ravens just might be the bird police in disguise.. Keeping an eye on everything and everyone around.. Ignored…. Dismissive.. And shunned.. The pigeons and the sparrows suitably camouflaged.. Former harbingers of peace.. And fed so openly in droves as such. And the latter, babies of the family, flitter around hopping here and there.. Cutely part of the scenery, but never a part of adult affairs.. The mynah and cuckoo rarely seen, make their presence felt with ethereally plaintive love songs painfully soothing uplifting joyous.

My friend’s son passed away, and she wanted to know why, what does this mean… Just sent a msg of consolation to an inconsolable emotion… Really feel empty and desolate right now… Trying desperately to seek solace in nature… In its calm cyclic acceptance… And constant stalwart dignity and beauty… Freely giving of itself… Without judgment, hurt, criticism, pride, vanity, or ridicule…

Is this what meditation aspires to… Fear and faith—are these the two words that hold the key to life… Our fears prey on us… Blinding us to every other truth… Our fears never change the outcome of a given situation, instead create myriad future health issues… ‘In this moment I have everything’… That is all we need to see… The meaning of life eludes everyone… Except the ones who can ‘see’… They too are unable to gift-wrap the answers… For expecting some huge resolution to a phenomenal mystery, the simple answers explained escape unnoticed… An answer each needs to seek within themselves… Being unique faces of God at play, each needs to quench His illusive dream-thirst for being ‘human’ experientially… Till ready to awaken into divine singular omni-reality…

Without specs, one only sees blurred images… And sometimes I wonder, what if we could take off the conditioned lenses in our minds and once again see the world as an unclear picture with undefined lines… Needing personal clarity… And unique outlines… Foraying, discovering uncharted paths—whether outside or inside… Without the clouds, who would play hide and seek with the moon…

There is something about the fluid movement of the waves… Rhythmic… Gliding… Smooth rise and fall… Breathing… Alive… A minuscule sheen lit up with the froth of exertion, reflecting unaware lights here and there… Moving, lurching my soul in an echoing sound at once tranquil and soothing… Alluring and beckoning… The sky lightening with huge crowds of unbroken clouds… And I realize the power of white… Defying this dark night into visible waves of light and a pearly night sky…

Today again, I realize life is really fleeting, and our minds desperately need to be harnessed and de-cluttered… For in this present moment, our eternity resides… To ignore, skip, and leap into the future only lands us painfully lost…

Yippee

Slept at about 1:30 last night and got up around 8. Did not greet the dawn. We are so rushed in doing the mundane in our life that we miss out on all the precious soul-quenchers that God has freely left around for us. Still, we look up and crib… complain… never once thanking Him for giving us so much… in such heart-refreshing ways… not just around us but within us too… and our bodies… faculties… health… so much taken for granted till the day it is slipping out of our hands… gaining import as such.

Tried to sort out things for a friend. It really hurts if kids answer back or question, but our hurt is never lost on them too… and takes its toll on them. We too need to understand their problems, and instead of sitting with our hurt and anger, try explaining where they are going wrong. After all, who needs their happiness at any cost except us? And we can’t give up on them so easily. Read recently that parents are the last people to know what is happening in their kids’ lives. Such a sad fact that is… for whether it is to avoid hurting them… or freaking them out… kids do hesitate before sharing in a carefree manner. We need to stop being a mere parent and find that strength within us to let them make their own mistakes and learn from them—only cautioning, not stopping them completely from doing something.

On our way back, the car kept stalling everywhere. So each time we had to push the car. And what I realized once again, in waves of heartening faith, is how deep is our need to help in time of distress. Really natural… integral… instant. For every person we requested readily agreed to push the car—despite getting wet in the light drizzle that had started, or the strong heat before that.

Last went to supermarket, got really drenched. Yippee! First rains and I got to have a bath! So much we had looked forward to the rains… but when it does rain, why don’t we raise our heads to feel the droplets on our face? Embracing the rain instead of looking down, shrinking into ourselves, and running for shelter. But the joy is still there… the smile… the fragrance of damp clay… intoxicating our senses.

Pendulum of Time

 

Today, got up to greet the dawn.. Embrace it with joy.. the day was filled with snippets of life happening in moments that we take for granted, ignorantly labelled as routine or mundane, even boring. The pendulum of Time crashing against moments going berserk in their rush, and bored in their passing. Will have a coffee before sleeping.. Life is in its moments.. And we need to live them.. Really completely live them.. 

The movie, jawaani hai deewani, depicted being torn between following your dreams and setting down roots.. Love the changing thought processes of youngsters portrayed in movies like this.. Which speak of responsibility and focus going hand in hand with the pure crazy fun of youth.. If you love someone you should be able to let them go.. Loving is not synonymous with possession.. It just is complete in itself.. And should be deep enough to be happy in each others joys.. We all believe loving means to hold on.. But it also needs to let go sometimes.. Ranbir Kapur seems to have such deep sadness in his heart..

Beats in Nature

Today got up real early and greeted embraced the dawn ineffectually.. Head is still heavy so cant really look up at the sky due to nausea.. But the bird sounds are so distinctively clear and mesmeric.. Can distinguish between the crows and sparrows and parrots and mynahs too.. Was reading in the inferno how in Venice, because they have no traffic sounds, the birds can be heard so clearly and beautifully.. 

Weather is still awesome.. The sun barely coming out in the past few days.. Has started to drizzle again.. The sea a dark grey and clouds heavy.. Bursting almost.. Its pouring now.. They just could not hold on any more.. Can here the soft pitter patter of the rain with intermittent sounds coming in waves of downpour.. A strong cool breeze playing with raindrops.. Swinging them around in glee.. An aural feast i realize as i close my eyes today.. 

sat in the window for some time.. It was beautiful outside.. The parrots racing each other with loud screams of glee.. Birds literally gliding over the cool breeze rejoicing in the weather too.. The sea was at once calm and choppy.. Waves rocking the fishing boats to and fro.. Beautiful ripples forming over the calm sea.. In unique synchronic designs.. Those were real uplifting and heady moments neither wanted to end.. 

Seems like there is so much to do and so little time to do it.. My friend keeps wondering how i appear so calm and unflustered.. I dont know if thats the truth or a facade myself.. Keep trying to fight the urge to hurry or worry or despair.. Knowing somewhere deep down everything will work out as we have wanted it to.. And no amount of fretting can change that.. Keep trying to enjoy the journey instead of focusing only on the destination.. 

Need to listen to music more.. Sing more.. Dance.. my body seems to have a rhythm and beat all its own and every pore responds to it confounding me completely as to following any steps:) i love to dance.. And i love to sing.. And laugh.. I could laugh for no reason at all.. 

What happens as we grow older.. Does the inner music fade.. For our heartbeats desperately need those steady notes.. To keep the tempo right.. In sync with the rhythm and the melody nature strings for us.. So our souls can dance to a perpetual high.. Enough to lose ourselves.. Enough to transcend.. Enough to find ourselves.. Enough to be.. One.. With the cosmos.. With divinity.. With one and all.. 

my kids came to wish goodnight and make sure i was okay.. And though i was writing.. I really am trying to give up whatever i am doing in such moments and be exclusively there for them..

 

Parent and Child

 

Tried sorting my phone and ipad.. Phenomenal job it seems.. Has been beautiful outside whole day.. The distance between Parents and children is but a step away, provided one of them takes it.. Else it becomes insurmountable over time.. Initially parents need to take that step in order to teach by example.. We keep blaming the generation gap.. Why cant we just accept that everyone gets to be on both sides of this gap at some point.. And enjoy the childish immaturity of our youth and the maturity to understand the difference now.. It is definitely love and protectiveness that enhances the gap.. And in really rare cases possessiveness or selfishness.. Our children understand more than we can ever comprehend.. And what with the yawning age differences today.. Probably better equipped to handle crises situations too.. Even as we see ourselves easily fall apart sometimes.. 

Its a strange peculiarity in our system.. Expectation.. That we need appreciation and gratitude for everything we do.. And quite a lot of our recriminations stem from that.. A usual litany, 'we did so much for you' .. But why do so much that you handicap the other person emotionally, mentally, physically and in every way possible.. Teaching them to take people for granted.. Getting everything on a platter.. Just makes them spoilt, petulant and disgruntled when things dont go their way.. And the first finger points at you.. They become selfish because thats how we let them see the world.. By making everything about them in ours.. I think every parent owes it to the other to inculcate respect for each other.. Asking a child to make sure of the others well- being..

Empty Shells

Today got up early and made kahwa.. Fed the crows.. Did yoga second day routine.. Went for yoga class.. Finished reluctant fundamentalist.. A discussable book in the sense that it is topical.. Didnt like the style of writing..

A friend called for suggestion on write up for DIL’s bday.. Another called for lunch invite.. My son surprised me with idlis.. Such a heart tugging gesture.. Made me really happy.. The little things in life are the ones that satiate our soul stringing a symphony over heartbeats and smiles.. rolling laughter.. dancing eyes.. a joyous crescendo reverberating satiating our soul.. 

Have been intermittent rains whole day.. There is this constant need to embrace the whole world.. Need to start with my family.. Words of acknowledgment.. Words of praise.. A simple hug.. Anything that says, i love you.. Why do we do this.. Why do we look outside for satiating our soul..And our near and dear ones go unnoticed.. Is it about 'looking good' i wonder.. Or a bigger circle of praise.. Finding our family as a part of us.. We limit special gestures to special occasions.. Dismissive.. Embroiled in the mundane.. Focusing all our attention on formalities.. Family name.. Fronts.. thus remaining as empty shells..